I had the privilege yesterday to sit in on a teen’s CFT meeting. This is a collaborative meeting between different social worker types that are helping a teen in my group. My friend, I’ll call Bob, is from a local Tribal Nation and has been in Foster Care most of his life. His family had serious issues, which saw him placed at a very young age. It has been great getting to know Bob over the last year or so. He has such great potential and is very smart in a common sensical way. The challenge as I sat in this 2-hour meeting was which voice do I follow and so many different expectations how do I know what I am supposed to really do.

As I pulled up to the group home where Bob lived I had no idea that this meeting would be more than his group home person and his case manager. Instead it turned out to have a total of six. All of a sudden dollar signs flashed in my face as I thought of how much energy was going into this teen. Don’t get me wrong I think this gives Bob an awesome chance in life considering his past obstacles. I just see another 30 teens in my life, which would benefit from this amount of positive attention.

The backdrop to this story is that on Sunday night I had a long discussion with Bob about how he needed to go back to his case manager and other social worker types and apologize in a genuine sincere fashion. He had done some things out of over reacting to what was going on around him. I believe that Bob is astute enough to get it with adults when it comes to respect, listening and following through. He had done something which he knew was wrong but assumed that none of his helpers would discover his transgression.

As we talked I went back over the gospel of grace, which can lead to reconciliation. Bob has heard the gospel often and I know is making real steps to be a believer who does what is right, even if he doesn’t get anything out of it. I explained that it works so much better in life when we are quicker to say, “I screwed up instead of being defensive.” He shook his head in agreement. I said this is no different with God having Jesus take our sin upon himself and being judged or cursed by God for our disobedience. I explained how his choice to stop the games and be honest would draw his workers to him instead of alienating them. It was clear that some of Bob’s choices over the last month or so had alienated them and they saw mixed signals come from this teen.

The key for the meeting to work was for Bob to be honest about his future desires and then be transparent about how he messed up at the last meeting. He had pulled up his grades significantly which everyone applauded him for his consistent efforts. I explained that adults are more into respect than he had thought. I explained that his case manager was the one with control in the overall situation and that he needed to come clean with him. I explained how it was easy to have a false humility that might work for a meeting but that it seemed that all of the workers had seen through this façade. As I sat and listened it was clear that Bob had lied at the last meeting about a few things that turned out to be really important.

As we wrapped up Bob was able to express himself better and did apologize to everyone, especially the case manager. He had worked on goals with his group home worker who is a like a mom to him. He admitted to his anger issues and explained how he had messed up in his chem class and actually used the campus police in the wrong way to justify his rebelliousness toward his teacher.

It struck me how much effort had gone into this meeting. I had spent many hours talking with Bob. Obviously his group home mom had spent even more time helping Bob to see how he needed to change his thinking towards the entire situation. Then there was this multitude of social workers or therapist types that saw him on a monthly basis with similar goals. I can imagine how many middle class families will pay for their kids to have special coaches or tutors at a huge expense. Here is Bob having a group of six adults genuinely care for his welfare.

What I loved was that everything I had shared about spiritual principles, i.e. his need to repent, ask for forgiveness and then have a better attitude and changed behavior was actually starting to happen. Bob is an amazing individual who does have so much going for him. All of us expressed the fact that he didn’t have to grow up too quickly but was now on the right path. Everyone left excited about Bob’s progress and the fact that everyone’s heart felt efforts were truly worth it. I also saw my role as pastor or spiritual counselor as something that everyone in the meeting understood my role and place.

I have gotten into a dialogue with a good friend who wants to keep me on track and help me stay Gospel centered in what I’m doing. I continue to be surprised at how many will make the assumption because I’m doing mercy work that it really isn’t the same as doing church and that it is possible to impact a person’s life and not have the Gospel be present? Last Sunday I had a good friend attend our worship service at night and he was pleasantly surprised to see our group be around 50 and then after church have a dinner at my house that worked out well. I have decided to write more about specific individuals and how God is impacting their lives through mercy work.

This last week while I was driving in the van getting some of the teens for church I had an amazing conversation with a friend – who we will call Ty. He is a 20 something who is African American and lives with his aunt because he doesn’t get along with his mom. He is a tall slim guy who dresses rather hip and has a rather intellectual side to him that is very surprising considering his upbringing. We have had some amazing dialogues in the past about life in the hood, God, thinking out loud and then the obvious – what are you going to do with your life.

This time it was about a new friend who he had met online in the last couple of months. We will call her Susie. Now Ty is a deep thinker type that is totally outside the box of his peers who are more interested in getting high or figuring out how to make a fast buck without having to do much of anything. He was quick to share about his online friend’s situation and how she had been an atheist that had crashed and burned. He was excited because she responded to his encouragement to seek out God. So our conversation was about how she had come to Christ and was beginning to pursue a church. (It turns out she is Chinese and I’m not sure where she lives.)

The real conversation came back to Ty and his family and why most of them were still outside of God. Our mutual concern was his younger brother who has always struggled with his life. It is too easy to blame the circumstances around someone to the point that they no longer are responsible for anything they do. I was really amazed at how well Ty was able to articulate mercy and grace from a Gospel perspective. I was able to ask him questions about the ‘race thing’ among his own peers and why everyone was so quick to call each other ‘Nigger’ and want to hurt on each other.

Ty doesn’t come to church that often because he always wants to dress nice and unfortunately doesn’t always have a phone that he can call me about his availability. As we finished our conversation he was jazzed about our conversation and wants to stay in touch and think through a plan to help his brother really get it. The reality is that many of our youth and adults can’t read. The key to most jobs and education is your ability to read and comprehend.

What makes this a special story is that Ty has grown up around a mom, siblings and other relatives who actively do drugs. The fact that he doesn’t want to drink, smoke or do drugs is incredible. The fact that God has everything to do with that decision is an amazing gift for me. Now his brother is also very open and receptive about Jesus. I think that he is a very young and immature believer. The challenge is that the younger brother isn’t motivated about much of anything besides panhandling spare change and getting junk food. I have been trying to get his attention about being more focused in school and being more able to rise above his circumstances.

I know that God is at work. It might not fit in the typical church setting but it doesn’t matter. Our father is about the business of doing the extraordinary through ordinary circumstances. I’m excited about being Ty’s friend and helping him grow in his young faith.

I have been privileged to work with a lot of different people both little kids, teens, dads/moms and seniors over the last 5 years in South Phoenix. It is easy to fall in love with these kids. I want to share a little about a couple of them in my next blogs to both show the real needs that are there and also give a great sense of hope and excitement for their futures which will impact my future.

I love to write and express my life journey. I have a younger friend; I think he is 10, who is already an incredible communicator both through drawing sketches and the pen. Over the last year or so I have challenged him to draw and write on the ‘spot’. He is one of these kids who has a real talent or gift when it comes to expressing himself. I didn’t like to write as a youth and have learned over the years through necessity and a creative and crafty wife.

My good friend Angel is a kid who lives between a couple of different worlds where he might not fit in any of them. He lives with his grandma and grandpa. His mom and aunt, more like his older sister, also live with him. He lives between the world of Facebook and texting and the old Mexican Culture where Spanish is the language of communication and specific choices in life have been determined for him. The challenge as I see it is that the expectation that he will do high school and then get a job, like instantly. I see Angel as someone bound for college with the potential of being an incredible creative writer who will inspire teens as he grows up with them.

How do I help, nurture and love someone who is surrounded by a gang culture and anti-educational bias that isn’t his choice. He has an incredible grandma who is so sweet but doesn’t speak much English and the culture, which she represents, is alien to the world where Angel will live as an adult. Angel’s mom, who is a single mom, is struggling to do something with her life. She is there for my aspiring writer and artist but unfortunately her example is one of just getting by. I don’t want my Angel to just get by but to become someone who strives to do his best and become an influencer of culture.

My little friend had been fortunate to travel to Mexico with his grandma and visit relatives. He was able to spend last summer with his cousins. He is blessed to be bi-lingual and have a true comprehension of the Hispanic culture! I am jealous of this and wish there were a way for me to learn a new language. So my real question is how do I help, befriend and nurture this young man. He needs male role models and unfortunately his neighbor friend goes between being a helper conformist type to being a wanna be gang banger.

The reality is that left in his own environment he’s viewed as a cute little big guy who isn’t into sports, he can play guitar and is more artsy than anything else. I know that he has a tough time relating to his own peer group. He has a grandpa/dad who is definitely old world in his mannerisms. His mom and older sis/aunt can be rather controlling because he obviously needs guidance and boundaries, haha. My life at present would be so much less if I didn’t have my Angel. I want so much for him to have all of the opportunities that are out there so he can experience life with God in his own community setting. This is why I need the help of lots of friends to be positive influencers for the many Angels that are out there.

I was listening to the radio as I was driving from home to my Starbucks at 5am. One of the talk show hosts mentioned that today was the anniversary of Youtube. This particular host talked about what life was like before Youtube. I can’t fathom that Youtube was that big of a thing. Yet, much like Facebook, the internet and texting life is different. This talk show guy is actually single and doesn’t have kids but still can’t imagine life before Youtube and he’s a 40 something!

Yesterday was Valentine’s day and the street corners were filled with vendors trying to hawk their overpriced stuffed bears or baskets filled with an assortment of candies. Can you imagine life without Valentine's Day? Isn't it amazing how we have to invent holidays or create social networking sites in order to have relationships? I have to confess that I at times fall back on texting as a means to communicate without communicating.

Last night at our mentor group we talked about love and Valentine's Day. It is clear that most growing up in today's world don't have many if any role models of good relationships so FB or Utube become that substitute for a friend! I had a total shock when I discovered that one of my more awesome teen's is going through another family meltdown. Mom had just kicked out dad. I have to confess that it is the man cave thing that has pushed the need for social media and a shorten form of communication like e-email or texting.

I was even more shocked to see one of my more theologically driven friends on FB. It was hilarious to read some of the posts of this guy's friends, myself included about what would move him to do it. Much like I have a teen living with us who truly believes that Utube is his path for fame and fortune and that college or even finishing high school isn't important. What has happened to our society that we have substituted technology for friends or relationships?

So how do I find or cultivate real life and friends when my battery on my iPhone dies or my Mac Air's 7 hour battery is close to dying? I know that talking eyeball to eyeball is revolutionary but it's got to start there! I think of how God purposely sent his son in the flesh and he moved into the neighborhood. I talk about the need to live where you are going to work and otherwise your impact with be minimal at best. Yes, my wife's brother who is living and working in Kabul is able to talk via Skype with his family in a real way but I know he would rather connect in person ultimately.

I find myself at times in the middle of what seems to be a battle over the how of missions or evangelism. I can think back to my Jesus Freak days and remember the goal of my fellow ‘freaks’ was to share Christ and truly seeing more and more come to faith. This was accomplished, usually by a type of confrontational sharing, which brought a conversation to a point where a decision had to be made. I would rejoice and share with my fellow brothers what had happened. We prayed and continued to reach out to those around us. I know that my group of Jesus Freak friends ultimately made their way to a hippie commune in the Foothills outside of Sacramento that saw a group come to faith. This commune became the center of much activity over the next decade.

As I reflect to my present day experience I have to be honest and admit that most of my theologically driven friends do little in the way of evangelism or missions. We are too caught up into making sure our theology conforms to a specific creed or standard. Don’t get me wrong I do affirm the historic creeds of the church, which have helped define or unfold the basic tenants of Christianity over the centuries. The challenge as one of my profs would state is that theology has to move you to be more not less missional in your approach to living day to day.

I know that Jesus seemed to spend more time teaching by doing than having a classroom in the desert. He would tell simple parables or stories that more reflected the present day culture or lifestyle. He didn’t have some long drawn out discussion on the ordo salutus or the different views of eschatology. He seemed to paint images with his ongoing life as a classroom setting. He obviously walked and talked with his group. I believe Jesus understood the more dynamic way to teach was by a living example than a power point presentation on his mac air in the desert.

I am reading a book on the missional church which wants to enlarge the understanding of the gospel as being more than just a pressured decision to say that you are a sinner who can only be saved by God’s grace through Jesus’ life and death. It isn’t to say that sin, repentance and salvation aren’t part of the gospel but wants to help us see that we as an evangelical culture have become too individualistic in our approach to missions. The book goes back to Abraham and gives a bigger sense that God is all about nations, people groups, culture and even the restoration of our planet. I know that many talk about the cultural mandate but few understand it well enough to live it out.

We tend to run and hide from the culture around us. We miss the Genesis gospel call of impacting and influencing culture as the social gospel. Abraham was called to be a blessing to many nations and that as we read more about the gospel in Genesis being unfolded in Galatians we see Paul gaining many frequent flyer miles on his feet or boat. So is it possible to allow church to be only a Sunday or Wednesday mid-week type of ‘thing’?

I have a close friend who is forcing me to articulate what is the relationship between the church and community development. I know that word and deed ministry or social action have always been viewed as a secondary expression of the church. Yet, as I read this book on the missional church it seems to not only bring this aspect of community work or blessing to the people as one aspect of the church but seems to be at the forefront of the church. As you read through the entire Bible it is clear that missions or the gathering of a people goes back to Gen 1, 3 12, etc….

Is it possible to share the agape love of Christ in a community action setting where your choice to become embedded in a neighborhood is the heart of the gospel? How do we love God but through loving our neighbor or as God commanded Abraham to be a blessing to many. I know that there is a tension about what really is the church? I will confess or admit that I am on the edge of the typical conservative reformed church. We do church on Sundays with a rather normal format but the outward expression of what we are is seen in what we do which is totally different from most churches.

If Jesus were to move into my neighborhood what would he do? I’m sure that he would have taken food to one of my single mom’s yesterday. I’m not sure if his disciples would be critical of his expenditure of funds and time and caution him that this really isn’t church but just an act of kindness. Much like having a group of teens come over and cook dinner and then do a mentor group talking about the real meaning of love on Valentine’s Day with the death of Whitney just a few days behind us.

I know that painting a house or doing neighborhood cleanup is far removed from the typical church service but does it have to be? Didn’t Jesus take his disciples for a walk on the Sabbath and actually perform miracles? This obviously brought much discussion on the part of the religious leaders around him. Jesus seemed to say that God was more concerned about your heart and not how big of a sacrifice you brought to the temple. Is it possible that we have become too wrapped up in services and ceremonies like our Israelite brothers? This is not to say that we don’t do worship services, prayer meetings or call on someone in the hospital but to consider if maybe our traditions have taken first place in our minds and hearts to God’s real heart.

It has been a crazy busy month with my dad’s saga of being in and out of the hospital. I should have kept track of how many times I have driven to St. Joes, Chris Ridge or now Life Care Center. I love my dad and it doesn’t matter how many times or miles I have driven to visit, help him or attempt to ‘mop’ up a mess caused by some institution. My wife is always jumping on my case to take a day off and truly abide by God’s heart of a Sabbath rest.

As the alarm went off at 4:15am this morning I did question whether we should rise and take the dogs for our usual walk in the dark and cold. I have to admit that once a habit is ingrained in my psyche my internal alarm rings and wakes me up before my iPhone dock lights up and then gives it beep or whatever ring tone I select. Regardless of how I feel making my way out of bed I am always thankful for taking that 30 minutes to go with my Anne and the herd for a walk on the canal in the pitch black. This morning the moon definitely illuminated our path.

There was an article online that was boasting about the merits of being lazy on occasion, especially for those type A driven personalities like myself. Too often I judge the success of my day according to what I get done and also if I have read a certain book. The art of taking it easy so often seems to be unspiritual and contra to being an organized type. Yet, I am starting to enjoy the benefits of being lazy on a planned basis where I can read on my pad for a couple of hours. I don’t worry about how often the phone has ringed or more so vibrated and how many texts I have received in that couple of hours.

I am so thankful that my dad is literally walking distance from our house instead of having to drive about 30 minutes each way. So any emergency meant that I couldn’t be there too quickly. I hate to waste time but obviously you can take advantage of driving time as a moment of reflection or praying for the guy that just cut you off. The challenge for me is that I am surrounded by people who have specialized in being lazy and their goal is to either sleep their life away or find all of the short cuts, that allows them the privilege of never having to work, be responsible or follow through.

The real focus of this blog is about a friend who works at the South Mountain Community Center. He is a middle-aged guy with a family and a wife expecting. This last week he didn’t look so good or act any where close to normal. We have talked a lot over the last 2 years. He’s a good guy that has a so-so job and is trying to do school to improve himself and better provide for his family. As he shared about going into the ER with the obvious symptoms of a heart attack I was really concerned that last Wednesday night didn’t sound good for him.

I attempted to share with him the concept of learning how to center himself so that his life rhythm would slow down and have a real focus. I have no idea where he is spiritually but I attempted in a few minutes to describe what it meant to have an inner peace that was directed by God where you can find your strength and peace. I was trying to describe how too often we allow what really isn’t that important to consume our time, our focus and emotional energy. I said that slowing down inside would help him not be so quick to freak out. I have to go back and see him today and find out if he went to the hospital last Thursday or Friday. I know that his circumstances were overwhelming him and he was ready to literally ‘up it’.

I was in a totally different setting on Friday night at a banquet that was focused on doing neighborhood transformation work. My friend who had organized the banquet was a little up tight the morning before. Yet, the night of seeing a lot of hard work came to fruition saw my friend actually relaxed and able to enjoy the fruit of organizing and dreaming. I was able to enjoy and benefit from the overall message and tone of the evening. It was so awesome to be able to benefit from the work of others, as I have too often been the one to give to others in real need.

So is the power nap a thing of the past? Is it always that important to finish ahead of the pack and have this sense of being better then everyone else? I’m starting to discover that I can still be organized and do something with a spirit of excellence without being a maniac! I know that Jesus must have gotten flustered with his 12 when they would sleep too late, not understand simple things and then when left alone act out all of their humanness that just showed their need for a savior and advocate.

I am learning that I don’t have to be all things to all people all the time. Yeah, the Apostle Paul’s life motto, which I have always attempted to emulate, is that he wanted to be all things to all people with the goal of impacting their lives. The reality is that I am a jack-of-all-trades but at times a master of none. The only way I can become better at one thing is by saying no to something else. I know that Jesus was an amazing teacher both by his words and by his actions. What is amazing is that after the guys had 3 years with him and witnessed both powerful words and actions they still didn’t get it at the end. We often talk about impact and being able to assess how we are doing. I can see how Jesus was a little bummed on his last night with the brothers as they argued at the table, didn’t think at all about serving and then ultimately they all fled in the end and rejected the one who would lay down his life for them.

I know that in the past I was way too much focused on a one time decision and not developing a relationship with a new friend. I know that it is through sustainable relationships that lives turn around and families come together. It takes an incredible amount of time to establish these types of relationships. There isn’t any short cut to using the phone and getting in your car to go visit someone or setting up breakfast or lunch meetings. So how do I find a balance between being a recluse, couch potato, hermit or hyperactive networker? Who determines whether meeting a new person a week is good or meeting with 4 key contacts a week is enough? How many good deeds or acts of mercy should I do a week?

You may laugh at things like this but many people in today’s overworked society actually think this way. Jesus seemed to always rise early to get his alone time. He also seemed to make it a habit to go into people’s homes regardless of their political or spiritual stand. I sense that these are all good things. I know that when I help put out the Starbuck’s outside tables and chairs that some who are coming at 5am might think that I work there or I’m just crazy. Yeah, I should work there and I’m crazy because I care about others and want to help when possible. It is always appreciated. So get up early tomorrow but take a power nap or get alone at lunch to do something different to get refueled.

Yesterday was spent primarily at the hospital waiting. Yeah, I show up early and my dad was already taken to get his MRI. He was supposed to have gone the night before. I was waiting patiently for a call from his senior complex from the ‘man in charge’. I was ready to scream at this guy for the lack of oversight and real care for my dad. The last six months of his stay at his complex haven’t been the best. Don’t get me wrong he has some incredible helpers who truly go out of their way to love on him; the challenge is little things, following through and ongoing mess-ups.

I had really hoped that the Executive Director of the entire complex would have called. I am a friend with the director of my dad’s floor. She is a sweet lady who tries hard but the system doesn’t seem to be working. There seems to be a disconnect with some of the staff when it comes to following through and what is best for the residents not for their time table. So destroying my dad’s shower and then leaving an open pit for the last 6 weeks isn’t a good thing. I tired of asking what was happening when I get a text with the cell of the guy working on it with the excuse we don’t have the materials. I guess I am supposed to call him and light a fire to get it finished.

I was truly afraid that my dad would have an accident by falling in his bathroom. The real challenge is that anyone with memory loss issues tends to fixate onone thing and then ignore other things. He had a sign that said don’t use the shower. Yet, in his mind this meant don’t use the bathroom. So this led to him having a few accidents and I am sure out of frustration not knowing what to do. So you can see how upset I was when this was something that should have been fixed in one day.

Now you will understand when it comes to getting the Executive Director’s attention with the next mishap. This last Sunday there were some issues with the toilets on my dad’s floor. The maintenance guy decided to put signs on a few of the resident’s toilet’s saying don’t use or flush. The unfortunate thing is that he didn’t tell any of the staff and totally forgot to tell the senior staff. My dad can read quit well and did exactly what the sign said. So I can’t imagine the frustration my dad had internally when it came time to go to the bathroom. So he has an accident after holding it forever expecting someone to help him. There wasn’t any helper to guide him to the communal toilet down the hall.

Sundays we do church at night and the last thing I really wanted to do was drive to see my dad but I sensed I had better. So I zip into the parking lot and break in through the night entrance. I make my way up to his room only to discover a huge mess and a pile of sheets and clothes waded in a pile. My poor dad had tried to clean up his mess and even with a little help from the RA it wasn’t close to being clean. At first I was a little ticked at my dad for what had happened until I looked into the bathroom to discover the problem – the SIGN. What was my dad suppose to do?

I cleaned him up, gave him a shower, a change of clothes and then a shave. I changed his sheets and did a quick shampoo job on the carpet. After all of this work I’m ready to go after the guy that was too lazy to tell anyone what he had done. I quickly text the director of this floor expecting an explanation for the mess. I am assuming she knew what was going on and would have an explanation.

I arrive early the next morning because I am concerned about my dad now thinking his bathroom is off limits. I come into the room and am shocked to see him fast asleep on his recliner but in his birthday suit. He had a little accident and had taken off his soiled clothes but obviously ran out of steam. I was now really ticked because it was obvious no one had come in to check on him during the night otherwise he would have been dressed.

I’m trying to keep my composure so as to not loose if I see the director gal. My brother had come the night before to see grandpa so I was going to quickly go back home to get him up and ready. So as I am exiting I see her and she has this look like I’m so sorry. She quickly explains that she didn’t know what had happened and that the maintenance guy didn’t notify her? So I was now ready to march into the Executive Director’s Office but it was too early.

I was thankful that grandpa was now clean and dressed for breakfast. My brother is still in slow motion when I arrive so I encourage him to get moving. We go back to dad’s and I leave my bro to eat lunch with dad. I do another cleanup of the room because it still smelled from last night’s episode. I was starting to wonder if anyone in the upper management at this senior complex really cared about all of the mess-ups?

The next day I come to see dad around 7ish before my real day starts. I had been up since 4:30 and had already blogged and done e-mail. So as I approach his door I hear one of the RA’s talking to my dad. As I walk in I realize that grandpa is sacked out on his chair and is totally out of it. The RA explains what was happening and I am fearful that he had another stroke. We do a couple of things and decide its best not to play doctor and just get the paramedics to help us. So grandpa ends up at the same hospital where he was treated for his stroke.

Yesterday I end up talking with the Social Worker and get some referrals to other senior complexes. She actually calls one of the care centers that is close to my house. I knew that talking to a salesperson would only give me a hyped presentation with a closing tactic to get me to place my dad in his complex. So after complaining to him for a few minutes he applauds my zeal and knowledge of the health care industry. My simple point is that the resident had better take center stage or I am not placing my dad anywhere. He was aghast at the lack of communication from the senior staff at my dad’s place. I agreed and listed to his presentation, which was actually enlightening and could see that his facility was better thought out and at least had the potential of working.

I e-mail the head person at my dad’s complex with a long list of mishaps that would have pushed most people to move their loved one. I have considered this but am fearful the move would hurt my dad. Now that he is in the hospital and will have to do some rehab it is the logical time to move him, if I’m going to do it. I typically respond to my e-mails in a few hours max. Most management types have smart phones and are able to monitor e-mails. I had thought that this gentleman would have responded understanding not my frustration but the liability issues his complex had created in my dad’s unit.

So I am at a loss as to how to get this individual’s attention? My priority presently is my dad not picking a fight with an administrative type. So as I pray this morning it isn’t Lord ‘wipe this guy off the face of the earth, but God please help this guy show some real concern for your residents which are your business!’ God has convicted me to lay everything aside for a few days and give my dad full attention. So because I love my dad I become his bulldog protector!

Yesterday began as a typical day with getting up early with my Anne around 4:15 am. Yeah, it isn’t easy to roll out of bed at that time but it can be done. We quickly get dressed as the dogs are dancing around us knowing that we are taking them for a walk on the canal. The dogs chase us down the stairs barking as if they had never done this before.

As we get them into the truck and gather their leashes we are ready for a chilly walk before work. It is really dark outside and the moon seems to be hiding. Walking on the canal is loads of fun for the dogs because of the open fields, the old cotton that had been picked weeks before, the possibility of a coyote crossing our paths or the fear on our parts that a jogger without any lights will get attacked or I mean greeted by our dogs.

We finish our walk and load the dogs back into the truck. We do our usual detour by Starbucks where I get our cup of coffee to share for the morning. I get free refills so I’ll be back at the Starbucks in 30 minutes or so to write and do e-mails. We make our way back to the house. Anne gets dressed for success for work and I finish making her lunch. I quickly get my ‘stuff’ together and we are both ready to face the world.

I go to Starbucks and do a couple of e-mails and then blog for a few minutes. I am anxious to go visit my dad because he doesn’t seem to be as capable after his stroke. As I pull up to Chris Ridge the parking lot is still rather empty. I quickly make my way to the elevator. The floor is still rather quiet with only a few residents up strolling around. I make my way to my dad’s room and notice that I hear someone inside talking. I quickly open the door and see Rhonda trying to rouse my dad. He seems to be out of it and almost in a daze.

I can tell that Rhonda is concerned and don’t know what’s up. I try to get his attention and get him to wake up. He is having some trembling episodes so we are very concerned. We have the med tech come and take his blood pressure and pulse. It is high and he is presently on blood pressure medication. I am waiting for the floor nurse to come but she doesn’t have a cell and is slow. The more I look at grandpa the more I sense that I can’t wait any longer.

Rhonda takes the initiative and calls the paramedics. They arrive quickly and do their usual routine. I gave the history of his last month or so. They get him on an IV and then are ready for the ambulance to take him to St. Joe’s. I am emotionally numb at this juncture. I am becoming too use to the routine of having emergencies. I follow them downstairs. Dad seems to be aware of his surroundings and is relaxed.

We make our way to St. Joe’s and I go to the ER Room and then get told I have to wait until he is officially in the hospital. It takes about 15 minutes for him to end up to in the ER room in the back. I quickly text my Anne, then my brothers and then my kids about grandpa's situation. I don’t want to scare anyone but I also don’t want to be slow to share what’s happened.

I go back to see Dad and he is on his bed sleeping and looking a little tired. The nurse and doctor take his info and I ask a bunch of questions. The doctor explains some other potential causes of what seemed to have happened. After talking with the doctor and his nurse I decide to go get something to eat and talk with Anne. I go back to the ER after getting an egg sandwich from Einstein’s. I go back to see how grandpa is doing and if there is any news. I talk with the nurse, give him my cell and discover that they are going to do a MRI. So I decide to talk with grandpa and then go back home to wait for Anne, let the dogs out and then relax, if possible for a little before returning.

My Heather, who is a warm-hearted softy, asks is she should get off early and share that he is taking a test and shouldn’t be back to his room until after the MRI. I explain I am waiting for Anne and we will be there a little after 5pm. Heather and Jeff go up to his room and see him snoozing and snoring. He is now in his own room, which is great, the lights are off and he is still in la la land. I greet him and help him see that all of us are there. He has a smile on his face and asks his usual questions, “How are we doing Dave?” My usual response is great dad!

We talk more with his nurse and discover that he hasn’t had his MRI and that it is going to happen soon. We haven’t had dinner so we talk with grandpa a little bit more and then go get some burgers from Lenny’s. We have a pleasant meal, especially with the great milk shakes. I call up my brothers and explain the situation. We make our way back to the hospital. Grandpa is still waiting for the MRI. We turn on the TV and find something reasonable for him to watch. The night shift is now on board so we talk to his new nurse, Evelyn. She’s very nice and seems to calm down dad fairly well. We ask about getting food for dad and discover he has to fast until after the tests.

We pray with grandpa and then tell our good byes. As I finish this blog and get ready to see him I have a total peace about caring and loving on my dad. I know that many will say this must be tough; you must be stressed or maybe even mad at God. My response is that I am blessed to have had a great mom and dad. My hope and prayer is to be able to love them, care for them and be there until they go home to be with the Lord. So driving back to St. Joe’s isn’t a hardship. I will have to start looking for a better place for grandpa to live. I am thankful for having a legacy where both my parents were always quick to step up to help and reach back to me, my brothers, our friends, our wives, our kids and eventually our grandkids. I thank God for giving a great dad who cared for me every day of my life so the least I can do is be there for him.

I do admit that as a teen growing up in the ‘Acid Rock Band’ era that I loved my music loud. I played in a band and our onstage sound was always very loud by choice. I married into a family, that like music but not so you could feel the bass but hear it. I was fortunate to grow up in a family where screaming or shouting wasn’t a common occurrence. So moving into a diverse community has opened my eyes up to what screaming is all about.

Last night one of our teen’s moms was over. The usual pattern is for Anne and I to listen to shouts and screams for a couple of hours. I really believe that the assumption is that if it isn’t loud than no one will understand or the bigger picture is that it is a display of power. I have a daughter who as a kid growing up didn’t require much disciple. If I just looked at her and raised my voice just one decibel than she burst into tears. My other daughter was almost the total opposite. If we got into a discussion or loud debate I had no choice but to out scream. (Today both my daughters are incredible women who are good at communicating.)

I know that at times a good shout or scream can be a form of catharsis. The difficulty is that it seems to cut off the possibility of any real communication. Yesterday I went to the rescue of a mom who has a rebellious 10 year old who doesn’t want to go to school. He resorts to all types of well thought out behaviors that force his mom to cringe and then give in so he gets his wishes all of the time. Yesterday he knew he was supposed to go to school but at the last minute locked himself in his mom’s room.

As I approached their front door I didn’t know what to expect. I had to knock a few times but eventually the mom opened up. She had given up trying to persuade him to come out. He had won the battle about attending school that day. I attempted to be diplomatic in my vocal level. He didn’t respond and after a while just said that his life was awful and then coming out wouldn’t do any good. The difficulty was that his older brother, he’s like 27, was totally upset and came out with a hammer ready to beat down the door.

Unfortunately, the older brother was able to force his way into the room after almost tearing the door off its’ hinges. This precipitated a fistfight between the brothers. The little guy ultimately lost out and was now screaming because he had been hit. The older brother showed no remorse and was ready to drop kick the little guy. So I sat on the couch with him trying to get him to stop crying. It took me 10 minutes to calm him down and get him to laugh and start talking. The little guy let’s the cat out of the bag and explains that he is afraid to leave his mom alone. He also confesses that something had happened in the past that caused him to no longer want to be around anyone but his mom.

So my morning started off with trying to reason with a 10 year old. I explained to the mom that she had to punish him for his truancy and help him understand that she was the parent and he was the kid. Yet, I had a feeling that after a few hours he was back on the TV playing video games. Let’s jump ahead to the evening as we are having a planning meeting with our interns the mom of the kids who are staying with us is slowly starting to escalate the volume of her vocal chords. As we wrap up the meeting her son arrives home. The next hour plus is a screaming match with the mom winning hands down. My reaction was to go up stairs and tell the mom to take a hike and zip it. Yet, I understand, a little, in their culture that for the son to get the word it had to be delivered in this fashion.

We had finished the dinner dishes and had given the dogs their nightly treats and were ready to crash in bed and look at the news. I was really hoping that I didn’t have to get into the middle of the battle. I know that the son deserved some of this but not all of this and I also realized that the mom’s life is horrible and she needs to vent on occasion.

I can remember a few times in the gospel accounts of Jesus’ life where he used his ‘outdoor’ voice, as my wife would say. He got the attention of those who truly thought they were better then everyone else. He actually threw a spiritual tantrum and tossed over all of the tables that were being used to sell items for sacrificing in the temple. I have to admit that the mom’s zeal for her son’s success in life was part of the motivation for the display of vocal chord exercise. The difficulty was that the son is a slacker at times and doesn’t like school so he would rather be a last minute guy, which means grades suffer and the likelihood of passing the State Required Tests is almost zero.

The reason I write this blog is that the night before I had attempted to tactfully talk with the teen. He had done some things, which weren’t very smart under the circumstances of recently having a few things stolen from our house. I thought I had masterfully perfected the art of persuasive speaking that night but my wife rebuked me and reminded me that I was almost as negative as the mom even though my decibel level was normal and wouldn’t get the attention of our neighbors.

So my real question is how do you get someone’s attention that isn’t listening? How do you help someone who is not able to see his or her own mess-ups? So is screaming an effective form of communication or is it just a misguided display of power? Maybe I do love to hear my own voice and the louder really is better.

Is life fair? Do all siblings always get exactly the same treatment in life as they grow up? Does the boss always equally give out bonuses, raises or special treats? I live in a world where the people/teens around me have keen eyes and elephant like memories where they know exactly what I have given to others, regardless the reason and quickly take account. I know that as the older brother growing up my middle brother was usually quick to point out any inequities.

This last weekend was incredible with 150 volunteers who helped do serious cleanup and painting in our neighborhood. It was a challenge deciding whose house to paint, which meant there were a few who asked who I didn’t paint. I know this one grandma, Dorothy, I was going to paint her house but her brother threw a fit because he wasn’t included in the decision making process. So we didn’t paint her house. I explained to her friend Doris, who’s my friend too, that I needed this resolved before going back to the house. So now I have a call from Dorothy obviously wanting her house painted.

I followed the lead of my neighborhood grandpa; Earl and we painted one of the little churches in South Phoenix. It was a great experience with the many hands helping out. This I know will be a huge blessing to his church family and their friends. Now, I am known as the guy who paints churches for free. The reality is that I spent way too much money on paint to do this. So how do I tell this other pastor who showed up that he needs to help raise some of the funds to help cover the cost of the paint? Now it will be easy for someone to say that I play favorites to a certain ethnic group because the word has spread amongst their friends.

I was brain dead on Sunday and didn’t realize that we had multiple birthdays. I am blessed to have a special friend in one of my college interns who thankfully made some birthday cookies. So it was easy to spread these out between Julius, Jalil and Christy. I also gave these b-day people combo meals and some cash. So the response to someone else who was there, “I didn’t get a combo meal for my birthday!” Wow – what does someone do in this situation or maybe it is that I choose to do nothing?

I think of the parable that Jesus gave with the workers that were hired at different times during the day. At the end of the day the workers were shocked that the owner decided to pay the same to all workers regardless of how many hours they had labored. Did the workers that slaved away all day really have anything to complain about? They got paid what was promised but why would the master pay the same to the guy that worked just an hour?

This weekend I had a variety of people help with the painting. I had a couple, that had heard me preach at a downtown church, come because I had invited everyone to help. They were your good-looking upwardly mobile type of people. She actually worked at a T.V. station. It would have been easy for me to sense the need to shadow them to the house they were helping and purposely hang out around them hoping I might get to know them and just maybe might get some type of return, i.e. a donation or some air time at her station. As we finished up I was introduced to a group of people from the church we had painted. Deacon Jones had an amazing smile that revealed his need for dental work. It would have been just as easy to let my awkwardness to stop me from talking to him.

Last night I had a late night discussion with two teens, which are living with me. It was a ‘come to Jesus’ type of format. I was frustrated with the lack of initiative and follow through especially with the brother. He was playing the game of hide and seek. Some things had happened around the house, which, he knows he is one of the prime suspects. The sad fact is that he had been given freedom and trust with a lot of our computers and cameras and had taken advantage. He felt bad, primarily because he got caught in taking and using equipment without asking. My heart is one of grace and mercy and as I explained this I said that there are still consequences to foolish choices.

I know there are some in our group that would be jealous of the special perks this guy has gotten. Little do most know that these have been taken away because of taking one of the laptops to school without permission. He is wounded and a little bit afraid of me. I don’t picture myself as a screamer usually. I asked why he chooses to lie to me instead of just laying it out in front of me? His response was I thought you might scream at me. I asked the obvious – don’t you deserve to be yelled at for what you had done?

I just finished an amazing book, “Heart for Freedom”, that chronicles the life of a college student dissident in China. She was one of the key leaders of the revolution in 1989. She looks back at her life and feels guilty because she got all of the perks and special treatment and didn’t experience any suffering. She asks daily why did my friends die or get seriously hurt and I am perfectly fine? She had the burden and guilt of having had 3 abortions during her student years. This became something that stopped her from being free to share her real story with everyone. Why – because she felt that she had gotten special treatment because of her role in the revolution when she really deserved to be judged and found guilty after having had numerous abortions.

Simple fact is that no one is ever totally fair or capable of treating everyone the same. I don’t have the mental energy to keep track of what I do for someone each day. Today I had someone ask for $20 because it is the end of the month. Do I have to tell this mom that I gave another mom $60. Dilemma – should I give this mom $60 so she doesn’t complain about my being generous to this other mom?

The real focus in my life at present is my dad who has failing health. He has lost steam in just a few weeks because of having a stroke. His ability to get around has almost totally stopped. His ability to help himself is almost gone. He is still able to communicate the basics but not capable of explaining really anything. So is it wrong if I give him most of my emotional energy and not give as much to my Anne or my kids? The reality is that God treats us all of the same with his mercy and grace but I feel as if I am his favorite when I see how great his love is for me who is a total dirt bag!