New City Phoenix

Family Feuds

2012-05-17T07:29:00.000-07:00

I had the privilege of going back to St. Louis for my Great Aunt Alice’s Funeral. I knew that my Aunt Elaine would most likely be by herself with just her Jack and maybe a few other family members. I had to go back to honor one of the few relatives in my life who hadn’t cause any drama and remembered the majority of my birthdays over the years and my kids. I share this blog not to blast my relatives but to make a confession that it isn’t easy not to have family feuds over the years.

I have been blessed to oversee the funerals for both of my grandmas. These were over 25 years ago. I do have memories of one of the funerals where the dividing line was obvious in the way that those attending choose to sit at the funeral Chapel. I can remember saying that Red, my grandma, probably wasn’t too thrilled with the heated discussion about silly things like the time and day of her funeral. I know, now that I am aging, that it is much easier for older people to get their buttons pushed and be ‘bent out of shape’.

We were truly blessed to be housed by one of my awesome cousins. I’m the outsider because I didn’t grow up in St. Louis where my parents grew up. I have been able to visit a little over the years but not enough to really know my cousins or their offspring and now their grandkids. I had e-mailed one of my cousins who forwarded the e-mail to his brother. This meant an instant e-mail where the welcome mat was put out and we had no choice but to say YES.

It was a delight to stay with my cousin and his wife. It gave me especially an opportunity to hear more about my mom’s side of the family and some of the things that make us who we are. I know that most of my mom’s siblings and parents were somewhat ‘racist’. They grew up in St. Louis in neighborhoods that went from being all ‘White” to all “Black’. I can remember growing up in a ‘color bind’ world because neither of my parents were prejudiced against any race. So name-calling and slurs were not a natural part of my legacy.

I wasn’t surprised to hear from my cousin how his mom and dad were very opposed to someone of a different race being part of his wedding. I shared how I heard a racial slur for the first time when I was visiting one of my grandmas during the week that JFK was assassinated. I was totally naive so when I asked my dad about this derogatory term I was taken back by his quickness to rebuke grandma. I learned a quick life lesson that week both about how my parents were different but also how it was easy to get the wrong impression about a racial group of people because of the acts of a few.

I have been estranged from an Aunt and Uncle since my mom’s death, which has been almost 5 years ago. I am not proud of this but actually ashamed of what has unfolded. As I sat in the living room that was cluttered with kid stuff I sat and listened to my cousin and his lovely wife as they described some of the family feuds that were taking place with their larger family. At first it made my feud with my Uncle not seem to be that big of a deal Yet, the more I thought about it, especially after doing my Great Aunt’s funeral, the more I knew I had to attempt to make things right even if it meant that I swallowed my pride and intellectual integrity and admit that I was being a total a_____ knowing that I might have won an argument in my mind but ultimately created a broken relationship in protecting my dad from a slur.

I know that we live in a world of haves and have not’s, those who value education and those that believe having a job and staying at the same job for 35 years is far superior to having 5 different jobs in a life time. I also understood that I grew up in a racially open family and that to be critical without being able to explain why was never acceptable. I also know that as my dad ages it makes it very difficult not to react to anyone that is critical of him or his service in the Air Force.

So my hope, which might be naïve, is to reach back to my uncle, whom I know isn’t likely to forgive me or want to kiss and make up but I have to at least try. After listening to my cousin taking about his mom, my aunt, I know what I’m up against. Yet, for the honor of my mom and dad I will try! So I truly hope that I don’t end up causing any type of feud that lasts more than a day or so in our families.

A Tribute to my Aunt Alice who lived to almost 107!

2012-05-10T08:07:00.005-07:00

I have to admit that I sometimes don’t like answering my cell. I know that God crafted voice mail to allow me to ‘filter’ what calls I should respond to and others that can wait. My real reason for not always being quick to respond to certain callers is that I know they might be the bearers of ‘bad news’. I will never forget the call from my Dad at 3AM, I usually don’t answer at that hour, but I knew most likely it was the inevitable call about my mom’s passing. As I answered it was my dad and I knew exactly what he was going to say. Yet, as I listened it was definitely a sad call but glorious in the way that my dad shared the story. He was on a spiritual high that I know was a byproduct of the heavenly host taking my mom to her real home. My dad was on a spiritual high for weeks following. I instead was in tears and heart broken. (Tears continue to come even five years after her leaving.)

I had been playing phone tag with a new friend whose cell is from St. Louis MO. He and his wife are going to help us in the summer as they get a better sense of God’s direction in their lives. So when I saw the 314 area code, I assumed it might be from him. Yet, as I go back to respond, I was in the middle of doing my monthly update, I realize that it is from my Aunt Elaine. I know that the news she has to share is about our Aunt Alice who is 106 ready to turn in a week 107. I had been expecting this call actually for the last couple of years. Al seemed to stare death in the face and continue to win.

I do feel horrible, even though my Aunt rebuked me, for not coming out to see AL over the last few years. I was blessed to see her consistently for a couple of years when I was first doing networking with New City Fellowship in St. Louis. I had the great excuse to go out four times over a year or so and always would go see her. I am so glad that my parents made one last trip before my mom’s health went totally down. It gave me an opportunity to see St. Louis through the eyes of my mom and dad.

As I write this tribute to Al it’s not that I saw her that often through out my 58 years. She was always someone who chose, whether I did or not, to stay in touch. She was the one who sent Birthday Cards, Christmas Cards and other occasions type of cards that I know kept Hallmark in business during her life time. Her sister, my Grandma Miller, would come out every year for a few week’s visit. So Grandma Miller was truly part of my life. I can remember a few times when really young going to their old Province house that was then in a bad neighborhood. I won’t repeat some of the things that I learned about racial strife through this experience, but it did open my eyes and in many ways has given me a passion for being part of racial reconciliation in action.

Al’s claim to fame, this really is something worth bragging about, was being a quilter. I didn’t know this until our visit to St. Louis with my mom, dad and my family. Elaine, who had been her home for most of her life since the death of my Grandma Miller, is the one who showed us Al’s masterpiece. I’m not much of a crafts person, I do love photography, so I had little appreciation for the amount of time that is required to plan out a quilt and then actually do it. Al had designed a quilt that was a deck of cards. I have no clue as to why she would have done this, maybe she loved playing cards or…. Yet, the precision in which this quilt was put together was totally amazing!

Elaine had sent pictures to a quilting magazine that ultimately did an article about Al and the quilt, which is now famous and will be in some quilting museum. The amazing part in my life with Al was that she cared and never stopped. I can’t say this with other of my relatives because there have always issues that have separated us for the silly things in life. I can remember doing the funeral for Grandma Dotson and could see the lines drawn in the group that attended by how they chose to sit in the funeral home. I can laugh at this now but looking back it wasn’t something laughable.

Al was given a green thumb by God, the master gardener and you could see it in the garden that was always planted in her and Mil’s backyard or for the last 30 years in Elaine’s backyard. I will always remember the squirrels and cardinals that would always flock to the back porch in Elaine and Jack’s house. Al had this special sense about her that seemed to draw an assortment of animals. I have memories of her with peanuts in her mouth that both birds and squirrels would retrieve!

I didn’t mention that Al was a rather small person, actually even smaller than my Heather or Anne. I know that the adage that great thing comes in small packages was made for her. She always had a smile on her face and something about her that would draw you to her. She was the type of person that would always be quick to help or ask if there was anything she could do for you. My only regret in life is that I couldn’t be around her more so my kids could have some of the green thumb rub off. My Anne and I are animal people so they all have the animal knack as part of their DNA.

My dad grew up between two families where he at times was left out. I know that my dad as he got older most likely has had Dementia for the last 15 years or so, which translates into him not being the easiest person to be around when he disagreed with you. I mention this to highlight the heart and commitment of Elaine, my dad’s sister, who adored and looked up to her older brother, even though he left home when she was still very young. My dad turned into a Bible thumping right wing type and my aunt was the opposite, which made it at times difficult for real communication. I also have to admit that I react to the ‘Ditto Heads’ out there in radio land. Alice seemed to be the one that could draw us together regardless of our religious or political bias.

As I arrange my Southwest Flight for next week I don’t know who will be at Al’s funeral? There are at least four or five that are still alive. I know that my Heather would love to come. I forgot to mention that one of Elaine’s loves has been to trace the family history of the Provience Family for generations past. My Heather has also developed an interest in doing genealogical work for our families.

I will always remember Al’s smile, her big glasses and her frail frame but sturdy side that made her a great cook, gardener and lover of God’s amazing creation in her backyard! I will miss my special Aunt and Friend, Alice Provience.

Our other son - Terrance Michael

2012-05-09T10:51:00.001-07:00

It has been fours years since I met Terrance at our 2^nd painting project, we just finished number 60. I had persuaded a few from his church to help paint a house. As we are finishing I end up giving Terrance a ride back to grandmas. I ask him as I’m dropping him off if he would like to do breakfast soon. He nodded his head and gave me his cell. I had attempted to explain the glorious breakfast he would experience at Matt’s Big Breakfast.

As we began our journey in South Phoenix I was rather clueless about the culture in the African American Community and Hispanic Community. I thought I really understood the different dynamics of both having lived around St. Louis, MO, which has many African American Neighborhoods and in San Diego around Hispanics. So as Terrance has become part of our family, I come to discover that it was key to his grandma, mom and Sister that we be checked out to ensure that he isn’t being corrupted. It was over a year or so that Terrance became a natural part of what we do. He loves to sing so he has helped with leading worship from the beginning. He loves to work, most of the time, with teens and has been part of our youth work since day one. He has even gotten involved, with some hesitation, in doing painting projects. Terrance has become the face of New City.

Terrance lived with us for 2 years after his grandma’s apartment complex was sold and the new owners decided to enforce the senior only rule. Terrance has been exposed and spoiled to some degree by being with his “White” parents. Many of his friends would often remark, “You live with this older ‘White Couple? Why?’ The real question would be ‘Are you crazy or something?’ As time has gone on Terrance has become an integral part of our family. He knows our kids and they know his big heart and klutzy tendencies.

Yeah, Terrance would admit that he has a tough time sitting still for any length of time. He would also confess to the fact that he forgets his phone, wallet or keys at least once or more times a day. I have gotten in the habit of hiding his cell when he leaves it out. (Forgive me Terrance.) I enjoy bugging him about cleaning up his messes and not forgetting the necessities before he leaves each day.

This week Terrance will graduate from South Community College with an AA degree. It has taken Terrance fours years to finish but he has chosen to keep at it and not let his dislike of school or doubts about whether he is college material get in the way. I know that Terrance often feels judged by me for not doing more but I want him so badly to know that I am on his side and one of his cheerleaders as he finishes his time at South Mountain College. Terrance is still figuring out what he wants to do with his life. He has gone the gamut from wanting to be a vocalist or music teachers, a social worker, a counselor, a pastor and now a CNA, while he works on his degree at ASU.

I know that God will direct our Terrance on the right path to get that first full time job that will provide for him and his hopeful bride, Toniel. It has been a blessing being a dad and friend for Terrance. He grew up on the Southside without his mom with a grandma who loved him totally and has shielded him from much of the ‘garbage’ of being in the ‘hood’. We are proud of our son and rejoice with Grandma, Mom and Sister for the guy – Terrance Michael! Keep following Jesus and you are gonna do alright.

Pumped Up!

2012-05-08T06:50:00.002-07:00

The last couple of weeks have been crazy with doing special neighborhood projects with hundreds of volunteers, having my son graduate from ASU and plan a surprise Mother’s Day get away for my Anne. This weekend was a rather incredible experience with having 80 youth from Denver and Portland partner with New City – Barrio to do 4 painting projects, clean up in the neighborhood, making food to take to the homeless and do a car wash. We had close to 150 volunteer between all of the New City Team and the Rio Vista Team.

I am always excited to see both adults and youth who are eager servants of Jesus. I have to admit that someone who isn’t use to warmer temps and has just come from the high country could easily flake out and take the easy route, stand around and just watch while others do the work. I was really impressed with the adult leaders who were the type that jump right in and give 150%. What makes my life rock is that I have so many volunteers that show up without any hoopla and just do the work and make everything happen. So I am always ‘blown away’ by those like Phil, Matt, Bruce, Kim, George, John, Terrance, Shannon, Dave, Jenessa and many others.

As I am coming off a great weekend, especially with the graduation of my son from ASU, I come back down to earth and realize that doing the little things in life is so important. I try so hard to take Mondays off and get some time to chill and read. I don’t plan on who calls or what emergencies might happen. I am in the process of pursuing a couple of interns for the summer. We had played phone tag over the week because of the Urban Plunge and their schedules. So I end up talking for a couple of hours on the phone with these hopeful interns. I now have to shift from school year mode to summer schedule.

I’m humbled to think that God would use me to be a bridge between different communities through the vehicle of doing community service work. I know that it takes time, like years not months, for people that come out of totally different circumstances to relate back to each other. I’m excited to have a student at one of my partner Charter Schools ask to continue a dialogue about real life issues. (He is of a very different racial background.) He’s a very sharp student who lives in the ‘ghetto’, mom doesn’t live here and his dad is too successful to have time to hang out with him.

As I am writing this blog I get an e-mail from a fellow community driven partner who has helped assist with an internship grant for helping get a young couple to partner with us this summer! I had just e-mailed my friend a few days ago and am thrilled to see fruit so quickly. I still need to raise another $5K but the Lord of the Harvest is great at producing fruit.

I know that one of the ‘downsides’ of doing large community projects is the ‘cleanup’ afterwards. I have to now drive to 5 different sites to collect all of our painting equipment and put them back in our storage unit. Yeah, I’m thrilled to have 15 ladders, 100 rollers, 100 paintbrushes, stinky tarps and a zillion buckets. I’m fortunate to have a few special friends that will help me do this. The reality is that life is full of exciting times but also cleanup times when you have no choice but to deal with the mess. The great news is that God is pretty good at cleaning up the messes in life, especially my life.

Why?

2012-05-03T07:19:00.002-07:00

I’m always shocked, surprised and taken back when someone goes on a rampage and kills a group of people and then shoots themself. The tragic thing in this situation was that a baby was killed as this madman militia type goes crazy. If this wasn’t enough to get update texts about this neighborhood that would appear to be suburb middle class then a very well known retired football player kills himself for no apparent reason. He sends a text to his family, “I Love you.” Why do things like this continue to happen? I know I can give a theological response that would give a reason; man is totally broken, sinful and incapable of understanding mercy and grace. Yet, one cry or plea of help and I do believe that God will intervene.

As we are in total shock in our neighborhood or world we hear about this blind Chinese Poet who is attempting to escape from China and seek asylum in the US. He has pleaded with the US to have his family protected as he found some hope in the US Embassy. We live in the land of plenty, yet so many continue to do crazy things which totally displace their families and remind us that life is fragile and needs to be protected.

I know that one of the most difficult times in my life was receiving a phone call from my dad almost 5 years ago when my mom died. We knew that her time was short and that everyday with her was truly a gift. She had battled cancer for over a decade and taught all of us the value of life and the goal to live each day without regrets. Now to hear more and more of these rampage shootings makes it difficult to fathom why a person would purposely take the life of another and then kill themselves.

As I mention these bizarre incidents I have a friend whose son continues to struggle with his life. Each day is a choice to stay alive or? He lost his brother at a young age to a drunk driver accident. He also experienced an unfortunate situation where a drunk stepped into traffic and he hit him and killed him. The trauma from these real life situations have pushed him to the edge. He has been on too many medications over the last five years to think or act intelligently. He has on occasion hurt himself in a way that his mother can’t comprehend the why? How in the world can pain help cover up inner pain?

I am around lots of people who have lots of conflict in life but with little hope of resolve in their lives. I have a close friend who was just released from jail for serving time for a fine he was unable to pay. While he was in jail his ex-wife takes his car, without permission and totals it. She doesn’t explain why or give the circumstances of what happened. He goes to get his other older vehicle smogged and it fails not once but now four times. He is still waiting for our mechanic friend to perform a miracle or I will have to give this old SUV its last rites. Yes, it would be too easy for this good friend to go off. Yet, he hasn’t, why?

What determines whether someone chooses to stay in the battle and fight and struggle in a life preserving fashion instead of throwing in the towel? I have a group of sisters in my group that range in age from 7 to 16 years of age. They are now living with dad and recovering from their mom being killed in an apparent suicide crash with another friend. They have grown up with a mom on crack that was always living outside of the norm. She was usually gone and not around. She was a very beautiful woman who would get the attention of anyone when she walked by. Now I have the privilege of being a special friend to her youngest, Mi-Mi or Michelle. This little girl would woo the heart of anyone. Yet, a mom decided to get high with a friend and then go for a drive with the intention of crashing and exiting this life.

I know there is a tension in life, when it comes to what makes a person feel or perceive themselves as being successful or a total zero. I know valuing life is not part of all culture or people groups. I just finished reading a book about the first individual to escape a labor camp in North Korea. (Escape from Camp 14) This is an incredible story because it clearly shows what it would be like to grow up in a world that doesn’t value but de-values all life. It was too easy to snitch on a family member to save your own life or to fabricate stories that saw the hanging or shooting of a supposed friend to only get treated better by someone else higher in command.

I know that difficult circumstances force me to continue to rethink the big questions about life. I know that ‘pat’ answers or a plastic smile from someone doesn’t usually fix anything. I know that getting old can be a drag but it does give me a vantage point to see that life’s ups and downs can make sense when we understand the mystery of life and the reality that we all at some point will die. The question many will ask is whether we are living each day to the max or waiting for that something to happen so we can experience life to the max. So it is tragic when someone selfishly takes their life in order to escape the consequences of their life choices. I am learning that life is an incredible gift ,which I need to nurture, protect and share. The challenge is that I’m selfish, stubborn and at times mean if I don’t get instant gratification.

Yes, a day like yesterday puts life in perspective. The great news for me is that life is worth living and the God who created the universe and me, is alive, real and there for you right now!

My Son - The Graduate!

2012-05-02T08:14:00.001-07:00

I know that with graduations approaching for many from kindergarten to college the next few weeks with be special family times. There will be lots of pictures and many family gatherings to honor those who have finished. I will always remember the 8^th grade graduations of one of our teens. She so much wanted to have a limo, yes a stretch limo, for her graduation. I tried to explain to her that I had graduated on all different levels and never had a limo. Yet, she was bound and determined to get that limo. Fortunately for her she had a few friends whose parents ‘popped’ for the limo.

As we are watching the graduates file out of this 8^thgrade ceremony there was this lone white stretch limo in the parking lot. Yes, this was it; our teen and her friends were going for the ride of their lives. I had tried to explain that limo’s cost hundreds of dollars for an hour so usage would not be for the week but an hour. The excitement came to an end when the limo ‘dumped’ them off at AZ Mills outside of Gameworks. I soon received a call asking for some extra spending money for the evening at the mall.

I know that as this Friday approaches it is a very special day for me. I’m the one who should get a limo for my son who will get his degree from ASU. This has been a long road for my Jon. He really didn’t want to do school up until recently. I can totally understand in today’s world context that college produces a huge amount of debt that isn’t likely to be paid by the low wages of entry-level positions. I have a few friends who went to private schools and are paying more for their loans then their rent or mortgage.

The real reason for blogging about graduations is to say that they are a very important ‘rite of passage’. I know that we argued or discussed heatedly whether it was important to walk and actually go through the ceremony. I know that for many it isn’t really a big deal. It’s more of a hassle then it is worth. I know that we were thrilled when we persuaded our Jon to walk that this would be an awesome memory regardless of whether the ceremony is 2 or 3 hours. Yeah, we have endured a 4-hour grad school ceremony in Flagstaff a few years ago.

I am so proud of my son because he has not only stuck it out but finished like a champion. He has become the school machine that is up for doing it and his goal has become getting A’s not just getting by. I know that the unfortunate part of graduation this year will be those who can’t be there. I know that this is a real disappointment for all of us. My mom is in heaven, my dad isn’t capable of doing stairs or sitting for hours, Anne’s mom isn’t well and Grandma Mary is getting old and isn’t up for flying by herself. Yet, the one person, besides family, who is important to our Jon, will be there, Freddy!

Freddy was this little guy who we met in the 80’s when we worked in San Diego at a downtown church. I can remember wondering if this little kid would finish high school forget attending college. We were very fortunate to have Freddy be part of our family when we adopted Jon and Julie. We were bound and determined that Fred would attend college and actually graduate. So he lived with us for a couple of years while we lived in Walnut Creek. He became a big brother, not really because he is like 5’ 2” or something, but a best friend of our Jon. I will remember my Jon as initially being a midget who believed he would never grow and have no hope of ever being a sports guy.

So when Freddy flies in on Thursday night it will be a reminder of the path that both he and Jon have taken to understand how important it is to not only finish the ‘race’ but finish giving it your all. I know that my son has been raised in a college family where there have been expectations by his parents and grandparents to step up and do it. I think all teens go through phases where they totally do the opposite of their parent’s wishes. Jon was not any different than myself, yeah I did college but chose to get married at the age of 20 and Anne was 19. I know that my father in-law really believed that we would never graduate and have 10 kids.

I can honestly say that we finished our undergrad and also did grad school together as a young couple that was initially viewed as being ‘brain-dead’ for going against everyone’s advice. I know that Jon has become the great example to our urban youth about focus, stay the course and finish with the cheers of the crowd! We are proud of our Jon’s accomplishment and know that he has a great future ahead of him as he experiences the joys and defeats of normal life. Yes, YOU DID IT JON! WE LOVE YOU!

Getting Ready

2012-05-01T07:55:00.001-07:00

I have been truly blessed over the last 5 years to be part of many neighborhood projects that required a significant amount of behind the scenes prep. I have had the extreme of experiences. Yes we did our first large painting event with over 300 volunteers that painted 10 houses, did lunch in the park and had the city councilman come and visit our group. I’ve also had business groups partner with us from out of town and had incredible experiences. I also have had a couple of rainy days, yes it does rain at least a few times in 5 years, where we cancelled but with key leaders involved making the decision. I’ve also painted when I shouldn’t have and it rained before we finished.

I am learning that even the best-planned project can still have snags that don’t stop the event from happening but it doesn’t always turn out exactly as you planned. I have had texts or calls at 5am from a key leader, ouch!, saying they can’t make it. Once I work through my anxiety attack everything always fall into place. I can remember running over something on my way back from Starbucks before our trip to Flagstaff which required getting another vehicle. I quickly texted and called and we had another car within 10 minutes. So don’t sweat the big stuff and even the small stuff.

As I have been sending out last minute e-mails and texts to my ‘team’ I’m always surprised to see how many will step up and say YES! Just got a text back from a mom who will make a large pasta salad for our Saturday Big Project. YES! My mom would always tell me not to put off till tomorrow what I could do today. I’m finding a balance between letting the tyranny of the urgent overwhelm me to learning how to rest in God’s peace while still doing what’s important for today and what can wait till tomorrow, let it wait.

My hope for our group is that through doing many different community service events that everyone will see that these types of things just don’t happen on their own. It requires months of planning, thinking out loud, asking, asking, asking and also trusting God. I have a friend within my church circles who calls me the best community activist type in our denomination. He has pleasantly surprised me by becoming a consistent supporter of these community projects. He has become an inspiration to me to keep doing what we are doing.

It is relatively easy over time to become over confident with doing community development work and forget the real purpose and motivation for what we are all about. I know that the gospel comes to life in many different ways for people from different life experiences. I know that when I blow it or mess up, i.e. lose my temper, forget something or who knows what, can actually be a good thing. I do want to be real and transparent to those that are around me. It is too easy in today’s world for those who ‘have’ to come across as so much better than those who ‘don’t have’. The reminder I need each day is that everything I have is a gift from my Father in Heaven. Also the reason for doing our community work is to help people connect the dots of life with God. It is too easy to boast and think that I’m better than someone else. Ultimately, I could be the person on the street or family whose lights just went out.

As my mom would tell me each day, live life to it’s fullest and you will never be disappointed. The flipside is when you snooze you loose. So get up early and be ready for an awesome day to serve God and love your neighbor!

Ice Cream and Fish?

2012-04-30T15:19:00.000-07:00

My mother had always programmed me, that idle hands are the playground for the devil. It has been almost five years since my mother left and is enjoying her condo in heaven which I am sure she has totally organized and spotless. My dad wasn’t one to organize but loved to stack books, papers, bills whatever was out there. Over the last few years I have been learning how to actually slow down at times and as they say smell the roses or in this context enjoy the Haggen Dazs Ice Cream.

We moved my dad almost two months ago into a group home. I know that in my search for the perfect setting for my dad I have come up short. I was truly hoping for 24/7 caretaking that would always be there for my dad to stimulate him both mentally and physically. The reality is that dementia is a horrible disease that attacks your ability to think and perceive fact from fiction. My wife, the eternal conversationalist, would truly like me to sit with my dad and talk non-stop. Yet, I don’t think he is capable of saying much beyond thanks and give you a smirk that says either more ice cream please or if we are at Lynn’s Grand Buffett, more shrimp please.

I have started taking my dad to a close by mall. At first I was fearful that this might be tough on him with too many people or god forbid he become a materialist with all of the stores. Yet, what is happening is that we get away from his room, which is nice with the fancy HD LED TV with Dish TV and do something totally different. I know that my dad’s weakness has always been ice cream. Little did I expect to find a ‘clean’ mall that had great open areas, which are cool for coaster action on his walker and the prizewinner, great ice cream.

What has caught my attention since it opened was Sea Life Aquarium. I must confess that my dad was the one who got me my very first 5-gallon fish tank. Little did he know that this would grow into an adult addiction that has seen a variety of tanks, 55, 75, 125 and then the koi ponds? I have down sized recently to a nano (this means small but cool) salt tank that is 24 gallons. I also have a 200 gallon outdoor Koi Pond. So as I am planning outings for my dad it dawns on me I can get year passes and start taking him to this little aquarium at the mall.

So today was our first real adventure in the aquarium. I had attempted to do this last Friday only to discover there was a screaming mob of youth from many schools visiting the aquarium. So Monday has to be a good day, no one is going to be looking at Sea Stars or Manta Rays. Ah, I was surprised that there weren’t any school buses out front in the parking area. Yet, as we finished getting our passes with our pictures there was a small mob of kids at the entry. Yet, we made our way through the maze of little fish tanks of odd shapes and sizes and eventually saw the shark tank that you walked underneath.

I’m not sure what exactly was going through my dad’s brain as we stopped briefly at a few of the aquariums. He seemed to smile a lot and make a few comments. I know I loved seeing the various collections of Salt Fish. The colors and sizes are so striking and tantalizing to the eye. Again, remember I am attempting to maneuver my dad on his walker, which does quick 360’s, through a few narrow passages with a swarm of kids on all sides. As we approach what I hope to be the real exit and not some door that will eventually be marked STAFF ONLY, we do find the pathway to the store area where you can buy that plastic Nemo Cup or Sting Ray stuffed animal.

As we exit I know it is time to do some ice cream and let him or I should admit me, catch my breath. It has been a great morning and I have tried not to look at my iphone to see the time and think about what other things I can do on my day off. Dad, the real important thing today isn’t the ice cream you devoured but for me to be with you and hope you sense that I love you and want you to enjoy life as you are able!

Rise and Shine!

2012-04-27T06:38:00.001-07:00

I have established a habit of getting up early, I mean really early in the morning. Part of it is a by-product of having a herd of dogs, which waked up regardless around 4:30-5:00 AM everyday. My Anne and I have great intentions of getting out and exercising, i.e. walking on the canal, everyday as a great way to start the day and be together. Someone might say walking on the canal in the dark isn’t ‘sexy’ but rather a scary thing.

We do have interesting experiences all of the time. There have been a group of coyotes that walk from South Mountain everyday looking for food. Yes, we have actually seen them walking up Central Avenue close to our house. Anne, walking by herself in morning, was actually cornered by a group of coyotes that saw our little dogs, especially Carly who struggles with eating too much, as a great morning snack. Typically we don’t see many if any humans out pre-dawn on the canal, which actually is good seeing our dogs seem to go in the attack mode for some reason.

This morning as we are driving back we see this Nissan Xterra wrapped around an Intersection Light Pole. As we are driving past we realize there isn’t another vehicle, animal or human that could have caused this accident. As I am driving back to my Starbucks the lights in the intersection are out and I realize that this guy must have been either texting or reaching down for something and accidently swerved and collided with the pole. I am afraid that the front end of his Xterra is going to need a total face-lift.

A year or so ago we were coming to the canal and noticed that there were a couple of school buses that were stopped and not moving. Anne, who is the cheery helper, especially in the morning, jumps out of the truck to ask what’s wrong. The bus driver quickly tells her there is a little puppy running underneath the bus and she is afraid that the bus might hit it. Anne finds this little white puppy that has black spots and quickly rescues it from the sure fate of being flattened by two school buses. I volunteer to sit in the back of the truck with this adorable little pup. Little do we know that this little pit-bull mix would become our beloved, crazy family dog – Freckles or aka KONG. She is no longer a little 5 pound pouch but a 50 pound bundle or energy and is totally all muscle.

I know that staying up past 10 every night makes it tough to rise early but we have made this a pattern over the last 5 years since moving to South Phoenix. After our walk in the dark we go to Starbucks for Anne’s cup of coffee for work. I usually help set up the outside furniture for the younger, obviously not too strong, female baristas. This has become such a habitat that if we are late or I am doing something else I feel bad for the gals. Yeah, I do get a free cup of coffee on occasion for helping. It has enabled me make some great friendships and get large quantities of free coffee for some of our major events.

I have also come to realize that one of the best times to write and think, yeah I do ponder and wonder about the great mysteries of the universe on occasion, is in the morning before much is happening and my Starbucks is usually still empty. I know that in theory there are great examples in Scripture of Jesus and many others who got up before dawn to connect with the Heavenly Father and go over their calendars or at least think about what was ahead.

I have to admit that adding a couple of hours in the early morning helps make my day happen so much better. I do enjoy blogging and thinking out loud. Yeah, sometimes I write non-sense and once in a while I will get feedback even from my PhD brother who writes all of the time. So I am surprised when I am meeting with someone who automatically starts up the conversation with my last blog and ask if I am talking about so and so. Yes, that was about so and so. Wow – someone actually is reading my blogs off of my Facebook posts.

The one who has inspired me to write more and more has been my daughter, Heather and my Anne. It has been my Heather that has become the writer in the family. She has written a lot of amazing poetry and short stories that are incredible. My day really isn’t complete unless I’m writing about one of our kids, teens, grandmas or something that just happened like our neighbor that had a heart attack when he looks up while texting and wraps his vehicle around a pole. I am glad that my day hasn’t started off that way!

Ir - aka Snoop Dog

2012-04-26T07:58:00.000-07:00

I have a group of little guys that are like a herd of animals at times. They are chasing each other around, fighting over the drink I have in the van or hoping that the flaming hot Cheetos bag isn’t totally empty. Last night as I was picking up kids for our tutoring I go through the painting neighborhood and get my Pee Pee and his brother, Peanut, cousin Almond and then Irwin. As everyone comes literally flying to the van and make their way into the front I notice that Irwin stopped. I approach my little friend who looks like a 3-foot version of Snoop Dog and ask why he doesn’t want to come. His response was more of a blank stare.

I am told that I do have the power of persuasion so I do my best to bribe and get Ir’s attention. I think I’ve lost him when I see him jumping over bodies to get into the van and sit in the front seat. As we are driving to our tutoring center I see tears and a long face on my little man. Another older teen quickly rebukes the other little guys that have been picking on him. I usually view Ir as being the gangsta type that wouldn’t be bothered by anything. Yet, I can tell something is happening.

We pull up and make the mad dash into the community center. I have all of the kids and teens go into one room to start off our session. We are finishing off the school year and I have to give an overview of the summer and get the teens to write out a couple of things. I have the little guys draw me a picture of their favorite activity in the summer. I have spoiled to have a couple of older men that are incredible with my group of little African American Kids.

Lou, an engineer, has become somewhat partial to Ir and quickly corrals him. The kids end up being focused and sit with their tutors in groups working on reading, math or playing educational games like Monopoly. As the evening quickly comes to a close I collect all of the pictures and there is Ir’s, which shows him and the guys at our favorite swimming spot, Pecos Pool, jumping into the water. What seemed like a disgruntled little Snoop Dog now turns into my Ir that is now bouncing all over the place with a smile on his face.

What is amazing about Ir is that he loves to read and learn. What stands out is that he is the one who is able to do at grade level work or above. Most of the other little guys struggle to write their name, identify letters and forget it if they got lost and had to tell someone their address or phone number. God has given an affinity for my little guys. I couldn’t go a week without seeing my Pee Pee, Irwin, Peanut, Dahlin, Damori, Bookie or Almon. They are like a pack of little rats that love following each other. Sure they get into fights on occasion. They are capable of saying some foul things once in while but overall they are learning about God through the example of some older guys that have learned to channel their high-octane energy.

Inspirational

2012-04-25T14:28:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I had the privilege to meet a teen, which attends one of my group’s Charter Schools. He had e-mailed his principal and asked if he could have a philosophical discussion with her and the vice-principal. The principal, a good friend, passed the buck to me. I responded to the e-mail of the young man and had a great time attempting to figure out what type of teen would be interested in talking about ontology and self-identity?

I did one of those mornings where I squeezed everything in such as dropping off a car to get the brakes down, dropping off Terrance at College, took my dad mall walking, attended my men’s lunch Bible Study and then it was time to meet with this teen who seemed to be way to smart for his age group. I asked him where he would like to go for lunch, seeing the Principal gave permission for us to exit the campus. He vetoed Jack, McDonald’s so it was Applebee’s with a salad and soup.

He initially asked me what I did why I seemed to like it so much. I spent some time talking about being passionate to see youth and adults get what life is truly about. I talked about choosing to work with multi-racial youth and adults in a marginalized neighborhoods. I gave my discussion on being a bridge between different people groups that typically would never meet up. I talked about the difference between those who choose to just float or get by and people who were motivated and wanted to impact their world. I then shared my story about how I came to faith in Christ, my college days, marriage, doing construction work, getting chemistry degree, then philosophy degree and then going to graduate school.

I then asked him his family history, which really surprised me because he seemed to have it together and I assumed that his parents must be awesome and have a great home life. His response was that his parents were very different and had chosen to life separately with his dad living in Phoenix and his mom was out of state. He had decided that he like Arizona much better than Ohio and then the south. I asked him what was it that made him want to excel in school and life. He was reflective for a little bit and than shared about a couple of movies that had opened his eyes up to being driven to succeed.

As he started to describe this movie I realized it was one of my Anne’s favorite DVD, “Gifted Hands”, the story of an African American youth who is raised in the inner city and struggles with school. His mom becomes his motivator and helps him eventually figure out how to learn in a way that worked. It wasn’t too long before he became an excellent student who loved spending time studying, learning and thinking out loud. I could see in this young man’s eyes that he so much wanted to be like this John Hopkins grad that became a doctor that successfully separated the first Siamese twins.

It wasn’t too long before it was time to drop him off at school. It was clear that he enjoyed our conversation and wanted to talk more. I told him that I would love to listen more and learn about his present view of life, death, God and religions. We talked briefly about his father’s life experience of initially being a partier who eventually becomes a Muslim. I asked this teen if his was a real Muslim. He was quick to say that he understood the basics of the tradition but that his dad wasn’t really someone that practiced really anything.

As we are driving I give him my Kantian discussion about how it is better to live as if there is a God instead of totally denying the reality of a deity. I said that the moral discussion and the issue with why people want to be good or feel guilty when they are bad is something we must talk about the next time we do lunch. I was really blown away by this young man’s zeal for knowledge and pursuit of excellence.

Who am I?

2012-04-24T08:19:00.001-07:00

I pursued a Biochem Degree in college that got side-railed by my interest in philosophy and critical thinking. I have to admit that most teens have little interest either in real science or Descartes, Anselm, Aristotle or Plato. I have a Heinz 57 type of education both in the ‘blue collar’ world and the ‘white collar’ world. I have done research with the enzyme LDH, done concrete work first as just a job and then as a potential career. (I was able to work on business parks in the Bay Area such as Apple, Intel, etc…) I now have primarily done church work and non-profit work the last 20 years. What stands out whether it was with my hippie Jesus freak friends, my scientist friends or my friends from my hood is that it is so important to know how to communicate. So for me to improve both in the spoken word and written word I have to be open to evaluating how to do what I do better.

I am taken back by a few that I encounter who have purposely thought through the bigger questions of life. (This does become impressive when this is a teen.) I know I just blogged about Blue Like Jazz which focused on understanding that life at times doesn’t make sense, no resolve and that there is always a conflict, followed by a climax and then comes resolution hopefully. The challenge for most today is that we are being raised in a non-thinking type of world. Too many have become ‘drones’ that simply exist which means they work, sleep, eat, party and then reverse the cycle.

Today I have been invited to share in a dialogue about understanding self? This is by a teen at a charter school. I have never met this teen but just by reading his topic and desire to better understand what might be called ontology will be intriguing. He states his focus by asking the question of whether we are always putting on different costumes when it comes to our life circumstances. His real question is whether there is actually a true self within that we must be true to?

I know that in the atheist world the notion of self, meaning, purpose and direction in life is a rather difficult question to answer. Sartre stated that our existence comes out of our pre-existence. If we came out a glob of molecules then any notion of self or meaning is purely arbitrary. I do understand the Darwin notion of survival of the fittest. It is also easy for us humans to assume that we are at the top of the evolutionary chain until we obliterate our spices from the face of the earth.

I will always remember multiple conversations in my various philosophy classes about the notion of whether we can truly know ourselves. Is it possible to distinguish an illusion from something that is real? How can I know that what I see across the way is real and not a mirage? How do I know that I am the same person today that I was yesterday? I can remember the dialogue about the ancients discussing whether or not the river you just stepped in is the same as the river you crossed the day before? Is it possible for both my eyes and my mind to play tricks on my so I am left to wonder what is real? I might come to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter or I might be at the end of my mental rope.

I know that many today crave to have an authentic or genuine experience in life. I also know that too often we will do extreme things, i.e. hand gliding, parachuting, river rafting, driving on the freeway or breaking the law on purpose to see if that rush of adrenaline will give our lives meaning. I also have other friends who totally enjoy sitting and reading their favorite book for hours and hours. So back to my new friend’s question is there such a thing as a true self within that I ought to pursue?

I don’t think life is really that much different today than when I was a teen. Yeah, I didn’t have internet, computers, cell phones and high tech stuff but I still played in a rock band, had girlfriends, got a car in High School and experienced both the thrill of being noticed and the heart ache of being dumped by a girlfriend or either my druggie friends or academic nerdy friends. So how do I discover who I really am? Is this really possible? As I woke up this morning how do I know who I am and what I am suppose to be doing?

I know that it is easy for many to be in the attack mode and not really be interested in learning about the different ‘isms’ that exist in our world. I know that it is very easy for me to be on the critical side and be quick to attack any non-Christian view or organization. I think the beauty of life is that one can learn to appreciate everything and be open to learning that ultimately will stimulate you to be a better person whether you are a Jew, Muslim, Buddhist or Christian. My challenge is that I take the presumptuous position that my view of life is the only view and must be the correct one.

So how is it possible for anyone that is serious about critically assessing life not to be biased towards his or her own world view? I would be naive to think that I am open minded and capable of taking in all of the different world views and being able to think through all of them without passing judgment? So as I drive to this campus today at lunch how am I going to relate to a teen, who comes out of a totally different culture, world view and life experience? I’m not sure whether I’m capable of just listening without wanting to dive into the conversation to express my views with the assumption that my view of reality is the truth?

So I will say yes to my new friend that I too often become different people depending upon who I am with during the day. If I am meeting with my white collar friends I typically dress up a little. If I’m doing a painting project I won’t be dressing up but looking like I’m homeless. I am capable of expressing myself so I can relate back to different levels of education or cultural backgrounds. So does this mean that I have multiple personalities? I’m now getting to be an old guy versus being a teen, 20 or 30 something so I do have a perspective that is based upon lots of life experience. Does make me smarter or wiser?

I’m excited to have the privilege of listening and dialoguing with my new friend who wants to better understand their ontological circumstances in our world.

Blue Like Jazz

2012-04-23T07:23:00.002-07:00

I know that most people want resolve in their lives and not ongoing battles. I’m not sure whether most in today’s church understand their own brokenness. We are so quick to fix anything with our Pastor’s simple 1-2-3’s. The reality is that most of us pretend that we aren’t broken and obviously don’t need any fix. Anne and I had a busy weekend with doing dinner with some great friends, doing a painting blitz, going out to a movie with our daughter and then as normal church on Sunday nights.

I had decided to go see the movie, Blue Like Jazz, which is from Don Miller’s book, Blue Like Jazz. As we are watching the movie, which is an overview of a kid that grew up, in a very conservative church without a dad, it struck me how far out the church might be from ‘normal’ life or how off base the world has become. I hadn’t really thought about the impact this movie might have on my daughter or me.

The backdrop to the movie is that this high school grad is deciding what to do about college. His church gives him a scholarship and special going away party at church that was enough to push away most Christians forget real pagans. I know that Miller definitely exaggerated some of his feelings towards the church. I have no idea about the relationship between his mom and the youth pastor was true. Yet, all of this pushed Miller to trash going to a Bible College and with his father’s help he attends the most liberal and one of the most intellectually challenging universities.

The story in the movie revolves around his journey on campus of totally throwing out his religion and embracing paganism. He goes from being that Bible Thumping Youth Leader to a binge partier who ultimately becomes the sacrilegious leader on campus. It is amazing to see how he learns how to accept people right where they exist. I doubt whether his church would have understood his friendship with his Lesbian friend or his guy friend who had been molested as a young child by a priest. The story presents life as confusing and more hurt centered than grace centered.

I know many Christian families are concerned about protecting their kids from the evil pagan empire in our society. We tend to insulate and isolate our kids from the real world and do them a disservice by not preparing them for life in 2012 not 1950 with Leave it to Beaver. I did appreciate Reed College’s way of throwing you into the midst of the human dilemma and force you to struggle with how do we find resolve for the conflict of life?

I think most of us would confess to doing some rather crazy stuff as kids just to see if we would get a reaction from those around us. I know that as a teen who came to Christ outside the typical church that I didn’t have the baggage or experience of churchiness that most within the church experience. I guess the Jesus that we have created to be the nice guy type isn’t capable of standing up to the Christopher Hitchens or Samuel Dawkins of the world.

The real point of the movie is that there is genuine hurt, anguish and lostness on all college campuses. Everyone is searching for a resolve to the conflict of their life story. Miller, who wrote the book about his journey, is the one who is torn between the liberal dad who loves Jazz and the syrupy mom that plays church and ends up pregnant from the Youth Pastor. Neither has presented a resolve to his life conflict. Where do I find meaning and love? The academic answer to this question leaves most in outer space floating aimlessly around. The pat answers from the church world don’t work because the Jesus or God that has been fabricated can’t handle foul language, smoking, drinking or pregnant teens.

What continues to strike me is my need to be honest about my brokenness and how the Bible is a collection of stories of others who are just as messed up. There isn’t the perfect Bible Character or Hero to lift up. Everyone has their problems, which forces us to seek not for musical resolve but real redemption. My hero over the weekend was a retired friend who has become my painting expert. He has now helped paint 6 houses and is an amazing servant who doesn’t complain much but has a smile on his face as he paints. He loves to clean up his sprayer after doing a house and takes all the time in the world to do an awesome job.

I will never forget last Christmas listening to his wife say how George had come to better understand grace and mercy through helping paint. Margie, his wife, came up to me and said, “You think all you do is about helping kids but really what you have done has helped change my husband’s life.” I know that George’s friend John, who is a younger recent retiree, echoes the same thing. I know that it is too easy to sugar coat life and miss out on how God is in the business of cleaning up really ‘crappy’ messes.

As we are finishing painting one of my young leaders comes up and is honest about his life. We are talking about relationships with our spouses and he echoes how easy it is to get edgy or lose it on occasion with those who we are closest. Our point was that life is a journey that requires ongoing ‘tweaking’ and that there isn’t any way to totally fix brokenness in this life. I need a daily dose of grace and mercy for me to be that way to others. We or I should say I’m totally self-absorbed and it is too easy to believe that the world should revolve around me, myself and I.

I do believe that we all share a common thread in our life stories where there is going to be a climax that God will use to get our attention with the potential of true resolve for our conflict in life. I’m not much into Jazz because I am the 60’s rocker type that met Jesus through some former hippie types. Yet, I believe that most of the rock of the 60’s and 70’s dealt with our reaction to the pat answers of our parents who grew up in a Leave it to Beaver Culture.

There is Hope!

2012-04-20T06:45:00.000-07:00

One of my teens is now attending a school that looks and feels more like a prison. As you walk into the schoolyard entryway there are security guys who frisk you and scan you with a metal detector. If you have anything, anything on you it must be left with them and placed in a large envelope that is kept. As you leave school you can reclaim your cell phone, wallets, etc….

I had taken my teen to school on Monday and was hoping that he would follow through and take this as an opportunity to get back on track. When I discover, after calling the school, that he missed Tuesday, I was rather upset. So I call him only to discover that he was sleeping. AHHH – yes sleeping. So I let go and don’t worry about him for the rest of the evening.

The following morning I’m at my Starbucks blogging and get a call from him at 6AM, yes 6AM and he says, “You called?”. I was ready to scream at him; of course I called you little …….I quickly ask him, “Why weren’t you at school?” He quickly replies, “I was SICK.” Yeah, sure, I really believe that. Regardless he was up early and I asked if he had talked to the bus driver to see what time he would get picked up. He was clueless. I tell him to get ready and wait for the bus. He obviously wasn’t thinking that school would happen that day.

I finish my blogging and then call the school to talk with the social worker. As we are talking he actually comes into the school! He had gotten on the bus and gotten there even in time for some breakfast. That afternoon he calls the second he gets home, not to talk about school but to ask for some food. So I quickly put together a food basket. I am off to see my dad and then do some errands so I call and tell him to be out. He is on his driveway ready to get his box of food.

My hope is that my teen friend who has been through lots and could make excuses for his absence instead will get up, be ready and just do it! I don’t usually give up on people but sometimes it is easy to let circumstances get in the way. I am in there for the long haul for my teen friend. As I am typing I’m receiving texts from an older friend who just left her boyfriend/husband. Tough situations abound and what abounds even more is God’s grace and mercy, which can and will touch and transform.

Newtorking

2012-04-19T06:33:00.000-07:00

As we are driving around last night dropping off our kids after tutoring one of my teens asks me how I network. This sophomore is interested in getting a job and wants me to help her get that first job. The only challenge is that this teen isn’t someone who would be hired quickly. My special friend has CP, which means she walks with a little bit of a limp, one of her hands is barely able to pick up her purse and because of her life circumstances she has developed a protective shell. This translates into a big attitude and a loud mouth. Yet, in spite of what I just said I do believe that my teen deserves an opportunity to learn about working and being responsible.

I know that I have been incredibly blessed to have lots of friends and that continues to bring more opportunities to help and love on my neighborhood. I got an e-mail yesterday from someone I don’t know that would love to come to Phoenix and help with doing our community work at New City. I don’t know this young man and his wife from ‘Adam’. Yet, he knows someone who knows about me and is willing to have put a ‘good’ word in for me. I am preparing for another large painting project in a few weeks and am blessed to have a couple of new supervisors that I didn’t know a few weeks ago. I have a new good friend through another great partner who is going to ‘dive’ in and make a real difference with his family and church.

I had another family in crisis that needed a frig and a dryer after theirs just died. It was only minutes after e-mailing a few people that I get this e-mail and we are on our way to pick up used dryer and frig. So as I am thinking about my teen friend who has so many challenges in her life how is it ever going to be possible for her to get a job and then be able to keep it? She has done really well to stay in school, try hard and is passing her classes. She hasn’t gotten expelled or kicked out because of her loud attitude. I know that other teens in our group who are more in the mainstream will get a job and finish school and have a future that will be relatively easy. This teen on the other hand will need help to get into the job market and be able to stay.

My real point in this blog is to say that Jesus gives the best example of being a networking and a neighborhood type of guy. It is the Father who chose to send Jesus as one of us into our neighborhood. (Thanks to Eugene Peterson’s translation or para-phrase of John 1:14.) I like the fact that God had his son live a rather normal mundane life as a poor carpenter with his family business for 20 years before going out to be the Gospel, even though he obviously lived this as a carpenter.

I know that relationships are the key to neighborhood and personal transformation. It is exciting to see God connect the dots with new people who have the leadership and gift mix which enables the work we do to continue in some amazing ways. I am totally spoiled to have so many great friends who are catching the vision of living out the gospel through doing community work. My heart breaks for my teen friend who doesn’t have the same potential because of physical limitations.

As I finish this blog and my Starbucks I will drive to a friend’s parent’s house to borrow a power washer that will help with this weekend’s painting project. I have known this one friend for the last 5 years as we have done a Men’s Study at Lunch at her restaurant. As we were finishing up on Tuesday someone piped up and asked if I had found a power washer and I said not yet. So my friend quickly volunteered her dad’s power washer. She calls yesterday and then texts his address to make it easy to pickup this morning. Again, the power of networking and making friends is incredible.

I am so thankful that God chose to be the ultimate networker with His Son who He sends to our neighborhood to connect with us and show us what it means to be a living, breathing and walking example of the gospel.

Great Friend!

2012-04-17T07:41:00.000-07:00

I just got off the phone with a great friend who has meant a lot to me over the last 17 years. I know it is easy at times to allow our differences to separate us instead of seeing where out hearts resonant when it comes to the gospel and seeing lives turned around. I will always remember some of the tiffs we have experienced in the first few years of being around one another. I know that I can and am at times arrogant about my life story and history with doing church work. I know that in my particular denomination that it is easy to have a chip on your shoulder if you are a church planter when it comes to your view of ‘regular’ pastors. I have at times looked down at traditional churches and pastors. After last Sunday with a good pastor friend I will repent again about being more open to recognize that God is at work in all circumstances for not only his glory but for my betterment!

I am amazed at how my one friend who has just moved to Wyoming can be interested in my life and the ongoing struggles with my dad’s journey with Dementia. I have been blessed to have a consistent home in the greater Phoenix area over the last 17 years. My friend has moved around a lot and had some tough circumstances both with church and potential mission work. What stands out over these last 7 years is our friendship, which is able to grow and not just survive our transitions in life.

This friend made my biggest life transition something that was not only doable but an experience I look back on as God pushing me to ‘dive’ into my present community work. I know that he was there for me when I hit bottom and struggled with a few leaders in my old church where we clashed over vision and direction. I know that it isn’t easy at times to know how to be a friend and support in tough circumstances. So as we chatted for over an hour I wanted to be a friend in a genuine fashion. I know he has had a difficult road the last couple of years without having steady income or sense of where he should go.

I am glad that we don’t have to have all of life figured out in order to be good friends. One of the amazing byproducts of doing multicultural work is that you are forced to look at an issue from many different perspectives. I know it is way too easy to have the ‘white guy’s’ perspective and assume that you have it figured out and know how to fix everything. I am thrilled that my friend is in a totally different setting, small town in Wyoming, that is able to refresh him and his wife.

Yesterday’s morning finished off with making an important connection with some new friends who will partner with New City. I am always amazed at how God helps me connect the dots. I am learning that listening, driving a distance and letting someone help me is God’s heart. As we were talking about having these guy’s church partner with us I get a call from an older couple that want to help with bringing food baskets on a monthly basis to our families. I was thrilled that they were willing to actually drive down and meet some of our families as they did this.

Yes it is exciting to have new friends that can be an encouragement and resource for spreading God’s grace and mercy.

Rain or Shine!

2012-04-16T06:43:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting at my Starbucks truly hoping that one of my teens will call and say he is ready to get picked up to start his first day at a new school. I struggle with knowing the fine line between being an encourager and also someone who shows the ‘rod’ of discipline. I had taken a couple hours of my time ton Friday o drive this youth and his mom to a new school that works with trouble teens. As we walked into this school I could sense that it was designed from the ground floor up for teens that are torn up on the inside.

We arrived a ½ hour late because my teen had messed up with the time and location of where we were going. I had no idea that we were meeting with a team that works with the student. I felt embarrassed as we walk into this conference room with a social worker, homeroom teacher and a teacher from his old school. As I sit and listen I discover that my teen has been lying a bunch about what was going to happen.

As I sit here writing this blog, my hope or expectation was that I would get a call from him and that I would be driving him to his first day. I don’t cherish that fact that I will soon call the Social Worker and tell her he’s a no show. This is frustrating and I want to scream and if he were younger he would get a hard swat with either a belt or a spoon to get his attention. I don’t like to watch someone throw his or her life away.

Saturday we painted Pastor Overstreet’s church on a gloomy Saturday morning with a significant chance of rain. As I picked up a group of my teen helpers early, like 5:50 AM I was excited but scared about having a large group from Shepherd group come out to help with the possibility that it might rain. Fortunately we were painting the inside of the fellowship area, which would give at least space for 20 plus to work. It was dangling from the roof and spraying the siding for the exterior that I wasn’t sure would happen with the wind and the rain. My motto has been like the postal worker come rain or shine we will paint.

I was truly blessed to have 5 key leaders making Saturday’s project rock and roll. It was clear as we get into the swing of things that we would easily get the room done, the ceiling and the wall of the kitchen. I was pumped watching everyone move even on the roof and the overhang. I was truly blessed to have Bruce and Mark help with spraying. Once the weather calmed down Bruce was able to spray the exterior in literally 30 minutes. Wow!!

My cell just rang so after talking a little bit with my teen, who I am ticked at, I will leave to pick him up. We will see what happens through out the day with his attitude and willingness to take responsibility for himself. I am so glad that God’s love comes to each of us rain or shine.

It's Happening!

2012-04-13T06:46:00.000-07:00

I have a close pastor friend who is slowly grasping the concept of community development work. He has challenged me to be more verbal about how God’s grace is changing some of teens and adults’ lives. I have a great story about something as simple as doing prep work for a painting project this Saturday.

I have a new best friend, Jeff, who is an amazing guy. He purposely retired from Intel at an early age. He is living out his ‘retirement’ doing community development work with a couple of non-profits. We have met weekly over the last six-months. It is very easy to talk about impacting a neighborhood and connecting with people. I have slowly gotten my new friend to give of himself in an amazing way.

He has volunteered a couple of times to help drive our group to events. We did a skating event that he helped drive where we had 80 kids. I don’t know if he was ready for this size of group. He connected very easily with some of our little guys, Pee Pee and Irwin. He has been trying to find time over the last 3 months to help with tutoring. Yet, schedules have conflicted so he graciously decided to do something on his own.

The last couple of weeks Jeff has met one on one with a 14-year-old guy, we will call him Joe. Please understand that Joe comes out of a large family with a dad that is not involved in his life at all. He has been around ‘bad stuff’ most of his life. He has other siblings who also have been kicked out of school. He is presently doing homeschooling. This is why I had my friend Jeff step in because he is homeschooling his guys who are the same age. I know that Joe has heard the gospel and seen grace in action through what we have been doing. Now the opportunity presents itself for Joe to learn with Jeff’s help.

Yesterday, I decided instead of our usual Starbucks meeting we would prep the church we are painting on Saturday. I also roped in Joe and another gal who is a High School grad to help. We had to power-wash the outside and wipe the walls down on the inside area we are going to paint. I had to rent the power-washer, which took more time than expected. I also had to pick up the paint for the project, which did fill the back of my truck. I also had to make multiple trips to the storage unit to get our equipment for the project.

I really didn’t help at all with the prep work and my friend Jeff was the champion in making this happen. He would say that our Joe was the champion who has stepped up and is putting his life back together. It would be so easy for this teen to drop out, be bitter and make excuses about his behavior and blame his dad mostly for the mess that has been his life. The great news is that Joe is doing his schoolwork, helping with projects, being mentored and has a great attitude.

I know that too often the church world wants to hear certain words or phrases that in their minds are the litmus test of a person’s spiritual commitment. I am beginning to see that a broken life that is willing to do the dirty work is a much better sign of a changed life. I know that the road before our Joe is long with many obstacles. His chance of survival statistically isn’t good according to where he lives and his circumstances. The amazing blessing of God’s grace is that having both Jeff and myself involved in his life has given him a living example of Christ in action. Joe is figuring life out with Jesus’ help each day. I am thrilled to see the gospel unfold in this way.

Thanks to my friends Jeff and Jesus for working on my teen, Joe!

Intimidation

2012-04-12T06:48:00.001-07:00

I know that some times I can be perceived as someone that likes to intimidate others and put people in their places. I know that at times Jesus put the religious ruling class in their place by seeking to afflict the comfortable or those who think they know it all. One of the joys of working in an urban context is seeing that everyone regardless of age, background or race has something to contribute. I can actually learn from a grandma and I can also help a teen figure out life as they teach me how to laugh, smile and not take life too seriously.

Over the last couple of week I have been in situations where a few in positions of authority use their power to intimidate. I know that with most of us having a red light flash behind us as we are driving is enough to cause a heart attack. As I have been trying to help a few that are in awkward situations it makes me mad when someone takes advantage of their position to put another down and make them afraid.

I know I say often that it isn’t a sin to be either rich or poor it is what you choose to do with your position in life that is important. The challenge is that because of my station in life I have certain advantages over people with less that become obvious and seem unfair. I had a friend get pulled over because of driving an older vehicle. There wasn’t anything wrong with his vehicle but the officer decided to check him out. He couldn’t find his registration or proof of insurance. (He is like most guys that are rather sloppy.) So he gets a citation. If he had been driving my truck, which is new, this wouldn’t have happened. I could also have been in the same situation where my registration is in the glove box but because of teens always rifling through it I could be in trouble. The result was an unfortunate situation for my friend.

I’ve also had some of my Hispanic moms be pulled over because they have ancient cars. They are scared because they don’t speak any English. Some of them have all of the proper documents but panic because of their perceptions. A few of those pulling them over then take advantage of the situation to intimidate them. Please don’t get me wrong the majority of my Police friends go out of their way to help and even put their lives and jobs on the line to help in this type of situation. It is with some others in our county that cause nightmares and much tension between ethnic groups.

My hope, which I know is a dream, is that we would have a heart for the orphan, widow or underdog. That we would choose to be champions for those who can’t stand on their own. I’m not saying that we need to rescue those who have chosen a path that is totally self-focused. Yet, Jesus has given too many parables that seem to show God’s heart for the underdog but also for the one that totally crashes and burns. I see the key is that we acknowledge our mess and ask for help as we have come to the end of our rope.

I have a few friends that are like almost 7 feet tall. It isn’t easy for these guys not to intimidate anyone just by being around. So the lesson that I am learning is that God does have a purpose for making us the way we are and placing us in our specific neighborhood, job or school. The opportunity for all of us is to purposely choose to use our circumstances to be agents of grace and change. I’m not one to promote the status quo or complacency. Jesus has come to turn our lives upside down in order for us to do the ordinary in an extra-ordinary fashion.

HELP!!

2012-04-09T07:05:00.000-07:00

I am a little hung over from the long weekend of activities with celebrating the Resurrection of Jesus Christ! I was totally blessed by some good friends at a church who made Easter Baskets for 100 kids, teens and grandmas in my group. We were also fortunate enough to make 300 burritos to take to our homeless friends in the downtown on Saturday for an Easter blessings. I am sure these homeless friends loved the burritos, chips and salsa, orange slices, gift bags and Starbucks Coffee. We have an amazing Sunrise Service on the top of South Mountain. We actually get there at least 30 minutes before the sun is even close to showing itself. We listen to the Easter Story being read by a few of the adults. We sing about Jesus coming from heaven to earth to show us the way, as he has become our redemption.

I am driving back form dropping off some of our kidz/teens and get a call from a good friend saying that his laptop has decided to go on the fritz and he needs a different dvi adapter. So I rush home, get three different ones and try not to get a ticket as I drive to their church that meets in an office complex 20 minutes away. I get there in like 12 minutes and to my dismay none of the adapters work. I ‘m frustrated because I know that my friend has been sweating bullets over this. So I drive back home via Starbucks to get a cup of coffee and now get dressed to attend another Easter Service.

We return and quickly get started on our family gourmet Easter dinner. We have a rump roast, leg of lamb roast and left over ham. Obviously we aren’t going to starve this Easter. Yet, I am humbled and convicted to think that I have a few families who didn’t have much for Easter dinner. I will take over leftovers today but that isn’t the same and I feel horrible. As we take my dad back to his group home and return to finish the dishes, pots and pans it is getting late. I get a text from one of my teens asking if I’ll go to court with his mom. I quickly text back that I need the address of her work place and also need to have her answer a few questions.

I get up early, regardless of how my body feels and we take the dogs for a walk on the canal before the sun is any where close to being visible, In fact the moon is still casting enough light that we can see in the dark as we walk along the canal and watch our dogs play in the tall grass and almost run through the irrigation or jump in the canal after a couple of ducks. I get Anne’s lunch ready, give the dogs a morning treat and then head off to write at my Starbucks.

After I get a refill I notice two Phoenix Police Officers and decide to ask them questions about my teen’s mom and dad’s situation. They gracefully answer questions about impounded vehicles, what is a minor infraction and what is a misdemeanor. As I am listening I am coming to the conclusion that my friends are ‘screwed’ because without a valid Arizona Driver’s license they won’t be able to retrieve the dad’s truck out of impound. The unfortunate part of this story is that all of his painting equipment is in the back of his truck. The towing company won’t release anything in the truck or the truck itself without a release from the city where it was impounded.

The teen of this dad is a good friend and someone who I do care about deeply. He has posted on FB something about life being hard and is seemingly getting to be more difficult. I know that he is afraid that his mom or dad might get arrested and get deported. What is he going to do with a younger brother and sister if mom or dad is sent back to Mexico? The real question is what am I going to do? I’m taking the mom to court and know that without the proper documentation that she can’t do anything and is walking into what could be an unfortunate situation. She or her husband could get in trouble for not having proper identification. So what do we do? The truck might stay in the impound for a month and have a $1000 fee that they can’t pay. Bigger concern is that the dad might now have a warrant for his arrest if he can’t produce some type of driver’s license. God want am I to do? This type of situation shouldn’t’ happen to a mom and dad who are both holding down jobs and paying their own way. This isn’t fair, but it happened and the consequences for not being legal in our country are you might go to jail and also be deported. I could also get in trouble for helping. Yes, driving the mom to court, I am transporting an undocumented person that is illegal. I too could be in court or jail.

Help!

Visit me in prison - please!

2012-04-05T09:17:00.000-07:00

I will be the first to admit, when someone asks me what I actually do, it isn’t easy to answer. One of my younger kids asked me last night what I wanted to do when I grow up? Often the ones who we help don’t really understand that what New City – Barrio does is who I am. So as I look back on the last couple days of my life I am humbled to be able to show God’s grace and mercy in real ways. Yet, I live in a world that so often caters and helps those with means and leaves behind those who happen to live in the wrong zip code or don’t have a dad.

I have tried over the last week to visit a really close friend who is in Sheriff Joe’s Tent City. We were away on a leadership trip with teens and college students when I get a text and then a call about my friend being arrested and put in jail. He wouldn’t get awards for his past behavior but presently he has been an awesome single dad who juggles taking care of his 2 kids and his sister’s kid while also providing for his mom and dad. I knew that when I went to his hearing that there was a good chance he would have to serve time to pay for his fine which had been incurred over three years ago for a DUI. The judge didn’t show any mercy or interest in his circumstances but essentially said pay the fine or do the time!

As the Marshall explained to me the situation it became clear that even my willingness to pay for ½ of the fine wouldn’t help my friend. I know that if the circumstances were turned that I would have had the means to pay the fine and not be stuck in tent city doing work for Sheriff Joe. Yet, reality check, the judge didn’t care about my friend losing his job, not having money for his mortgage or food for his kids.

As I have tried to visit my friend in jail I just discovered that he is working everyday until he gets released. This enables him to shorten his sentence by ½ the time required to serve. This is great news but means I most likely won’t see him until he is released. I took his mom, one of my grandmas, to visit and discovered this and then upon wanting to give him some spending money found out that we would be charged $5 to give him $30.

This has rocked my world because I knew that there was a potential for my friend to get in trouble. Yeah, he hadn’t paid his fine because after moving the court didn’t have his new address. He gets pulled over for something silly and then gets the cuffs. My purpose in this blog isn’t to make this a race thing because I’m white I would get off and because he is Mexican he’s in jail, but it is about me being born into a middle class educated family that I have the means to do things which I didn’t earn or deserve but it happened. Much as my friend’s world is totally different because he has a mom who is living on Social Security with a dad who is disabled. He didn’t go to college but has always been good at getting jobs using his hands. The unfortunate reality for him is that these jobs at most pay $15/hour whereas, I can make double to triple of that because of my background.

If this wasn’t enough, as I am picking up kids for our tutoring last night, one of the dads comes up to me and asks for help. He was pulled over the day before and his truck, his source of work, was impounded. He is a painter and got pulled over because there was paint on his license plate. As he nervously fumbles through his glove compartment he can’t find his registration and proof of insurance. As the officer asks for his driver’s license he can’t give it to him because he doesn’t have one. My teen’s dad is undocumented but has lived in the Arizona and worked for over 15 years. The present laws make it impossible for him to do anything and his family of five knows that something could happen. The officer has his truck impounded but doesn’t arrest him. (The dad does have paid registration and proof of insurance but could find it.)

I now have the task of getting his truck out of impound. He quickly has his title signed over to me because he can’t legally get his truck without having a driver’s license. So I will call the towing company and see if I can get his truck out after I have put the truck in my name, get it insured and pay the fine. I do respect this dad who is trying to do it right but again because of circumstances doesn’t have the means to get legal help to become a legal resident.

I know that the disciples were surprised at Jesus making the statement that they had visited him in prison, brought him food and clothing. He goes on and explains that as they showed real love and concern to those around them that were hungry, in prison and in great need, that they had actually done this to him. I know that as I reach back to both my friends that there is a good chance that I could get in trouble with the present law with immigration and helping what might be perceived as criminals, even with my friend who is serving time. I know that I would have a better chance of not getting in as much trouble because I could afford a lawyer and most likely my skin color would influence the one that might arrest me.

As I look at the newspaper this morning the headlines talk about illegal parents with legal kids. What would happen if the officer had called ICE and the dad was taken and then they go back to their home only to discover the mom also isn’t legal? She too is working and recently bought a foreclosure house because she had saved $20k over 4 years with her low-end job. I don’t have the answers to the present immigration mess but know that real people with real kids and teens are in difficult circumstances. I know that many will say the law is the law. Yet, the truth is that I am a law-breaker much as everyone else happens to be. I just haven’t gotten caught yet and know that my day might still come.

I will tell my teens at times that life isn’t fair. Sometimes things happen which are totally beyond our control and the outcome isn’t good. Yes, my friend should have continued to pay his fine but didn’t so he is in jail. My other friend should have kept his license plate clean and had his registration and insurance handy in his truck. Yes, I should have paid more attention backing out in a Frye’s parking lot when a guy in a little sports car tried to speed past me only to have my bumper jar his fender. I didn’t have to worry about the situation because I have insurance and also the means to pay for the repair. Yet,, neither of my friends who have shared the same outcome. So I believe that I do have a responsibility to help change a legal system that isn’t fair and caters to the rich and famous. I also believe that kids shouldn’t be punished for the sins of their parents or grandparents but most of the time it happens. So please be more open to visit your neighbor, who may not be a friend, if they end up in prison or be quicker to offer help.

Hunger Games are not a Game!

2012-04-04T06:35:00.002-07:00

Yesterday I was leaving a men’s lunch Bible Study that I started with one of my ‘geek’ friends 14 years ago. (We have taken over Coco’s back section at lunch on Tuesdays for years now.) I had an enlightening conversation with a good friend. As I am asking him how he is doing he shares the real truth that the hunger games are not games at all. You see my friend decided four years ago to leave his high paying engineering job to be a relator and have more opportunity to be with his family, be more involved with being gospel driven and be less stressed out. The reality for being a relator today is that it is either feast or famine.

We were in a discussion with a group of engineers at the study that was focused on the Prophet Isaiah but at times would vacillate into politics or social issues. We were talking about the ills of our present government’s dilemma with health care. The circumstances for these guys who are very well off is that they don’t have to worry about health care because their company provides it or if it didn’t they had the means to pay for it out of their six figure salaries. Whereas, most of the neighbors around me, live hand to mouth and don’t know where tomorrow’s dinner will come. They are living either on state aid or making$15 an hour or less and are amazingly able to provide for a family of 5 or more. Typically at the end of the month there isn’t enough money for food never the less health care coverage.

Back to my friend, who now is sharing the blessing of living by faith, when it comes to his salary and being able to provide for his family. I had just watched the Hunger Games at the local cinema. It portrayed a surrealistic image of people living hand to mouth while a select few lived ‘high on the hog’. As my friend shared his struggle I honestly told him that the discussion about health care bothered me because most who have had resources in their lives can’t relate to someone who has never had the means to pay for health insurance that could be more than their monthly income.

As I looked into the eyes of my tall friend it was clear that he got it when it came to having next to nothing in his bank account. He understands the fear of not having anything to put on the table for dinner or snacks after school. Yes, poverty and hunger do exist in our community. I will be the first to admit that this type of hunger or poverty is not close to the scale that is found in third world countries but never the less it is real and people do go hungry and end up on the street.

I have been blessed to have resources that provide for the needs and wants of my wife, my family and myself. I am on a journey that God is convicting me, kicking my behind, to live on less, be more strategic in how I use the resources that I have been given and help others be more pro-active and not reactive to their circumstances. I am not a proponent that being rich is a sin nor being poor is more spiritual. I believe it is more an issue of understanding our calling to share our resources with others, i.e. our time, talents and treasures. The challenge is that it isn’t easy for someone who has means to understand what it would be like to have only $20 to your name and just discover that you have been laid off.

I also reacted to a good friend, who has struggled the last couple of years with having steady employment, who decided to buy an iPhone. Yeah, I have an iPhone and it is my little office away from the office but I have the means to pay for it. I use to always buy everything new but now have become a wise shopper who uses Craigslist and other online tools to find bargains that help me be more frugal. It isn’t easy to watch someone struggle with putting food on the table when they have foolishly wasted their money on some luxury or want and it is also tough to watch someone successful use their means to go overboard.

One of the paths I am pursuing is to connect the dots by having my variety of friends partner together to help promote responsibility and a passion for learning and achieving. A couple of my engineer friends are going to help birth a relationship between their company and one of my partner charter schools to give opportunities for teens to see the potential in getting into the high tech world. I have a high tech background and understand too clearly how difficult it is for my teens to do well in math and science without some help and mentoring. So all of a sudden I have an opportunity to connect my friends and see my teens and their friends be given an introduction into real life and what it takes to get a good job. Yes, it involves hard work in school and a sacrifice to be different.

I know that real life stories that made the movie, “Stand and Deliver”, are classic examples that ultimately everyone given the opportunity can strive for being more academically driven. The challenge when this movie was done and today hasn’t changed a lot when it comes to the perception of who fits in what type of job market. My desire is to get my youth who have little sense of vision to open their eyes and see that the world is nothing to fear but to attack with passion and do something that can make a difference in their worlds.

I know that there isn’t any easy solution to societal ills that cause poverty and hunger. My hope is to help those in my circle of friends realize that they can make a difference in someone’s life that will bring wholeness where there has been brokenness. Also, when someone has grown up without a dad or grandpa it isn’t easy to see much potential when it comes to their future forget talking about career choices. Yes, as my son the philosopher would say, “Life is a roller coaster that we have to choose to ride!”

Consequences!

2012-04-03T07:42:00.000-07:00

As a kid growing up I was told that sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt you. I know that this is a myth that continues to be promoted. As I was driving one of my teens home from church she mentioned how one of our friends, that was new at her school, was being bullied by some gals at her High School. There is a new movie that is being shown in a few larger markets that targets this topic of bullying. There has been much media exposure to this topic sense the ongoing impact of bullying on High School and College Campuses.

I know that as a kid being raised in a military home that the topic of consequences for my choices was a common conversation. Obviously, if I applied myself and did well there were positive things that happened. I also understood that if I lied, stole or did something that I knew was wrong that eventually justice would happen. Obviously I didn’t want to be on the ‘wrong’ side of justice. I was raised in a time, different from today, where a belt or paddle were used in school to curb behavior issues.

The world is a stage where we unfortunately hear more about the tragedies than the sacrifices of so many that do make a difference in our lives. I know that it is overwhelmingly heart wrenching to hear about yet another shooting where many have been killed. It is difficult to digest after we are still fighting a battle over whether a young teen’s death was motivated by vigilantism, racism or an act of self-defense. I think most of us really don’t believe that our cyber-bullying really matters. Yet, a celebrity made an unfortunate choice to tweet out the supposed address of the individual involved in this shooting in Florida. The consequence of this poor choice is that an older couple, not involved with the incident, have had threats made on their lives and have had to move. The person who caused this has been forced to pay up.

Yes, choices do come with consequences! I know that living and working in a multi-racial community brings this to the forefront everyday. As I am having lunch with a couple of friends who work in the high tech world and have benefited from their educational and family background it is easy for us, as white males, to talk about the ills of either a fatherless neighborhood or rampant unemployment that is a by product of the housing industry’s death. It is too easy for me especially to blame someone for something they had little if anything to do with. Most of my teens are growing up in homes without dads, have little positive role models and next to nothing when it comes to a reason to stay in school and pursue college.

It’s true that if I choose to carry a gun there is a good possibility that it will go off and I will either shoot someone or be shot by someone with my gun. Much like when I post on Facebook or tweet there is a good possibility someone is going to be hurt and that might be exhibited in a violent action. (The suicide of college students or high school students because of FB posts is still difficult to understand but it happens.) The point is that I have to be aware that all of my choices and actions in life do count. I haven’t become a PS3 or Xbox fanatic but most 20-30 something males do live or die for the latest grand theft auto or…… Did the ease of killing on a large screen T.V. make it easier for someone to shoot someone else? You have to wonder at times?

I know that one of the ongoing issues I face daily is how a person’s attitude impacts their lives and the lives of those around them. I know that everyone wants attention, to be noticed and loved. This has nothing to do with age, economics or race. This is just normal life! I am always shocked, I shouldn’t be, when one of my little kids says something like, “Hey you fat and ugly!” to one of our larger teen guys. Is he saying this to pick a fight? Obviously not but it isn’t the best way to get attention or build a friendship, yet this little guy continues to do this. It would seem that he has been trained to act this way from birth.

I was very fortunate to have had a mom and dad that raised me to have a respect for life and an openness to see people as being people regardless of where they lived, how they dressed or what type of car they drove. Yet, both of them grew up in families that were racist and talked about the neighborhood changing or going down hill. My dad lived out a totally different attitude towards different people groups as I grew up. It isn’t easy to understand why some people make certain choices, which end up with a great life, amazing family and a legacy that will impact many and someone else leaves a trail of brokenness.

The great news in this story is that there is one who has come to deal with the brokenness of life and isn’t afraid of the real truth that most want to pretend doesn’t exist. As Easter fastly approaches us it is a time to remember that Jesus Christ is the one who was broken on our behalf so we might experience God’s reconciling peace. I know that I am in daily need of this peace that surpasses all understanding. So please think about what you say, how you say it and the circumstances surrounding those who cross your path each day. Please seek to be a resource and help and if you are to be a critic may it be in a constructive fashion.

Tribute

2012-03-29T05:52:00.000-07:00

I can remember back in my Jesus Freak day attending First Presbyterian Church of San Diego. I must give some background to my blog in that I grew up in a non-churched family and that attending any type of large institutional type of church building wasn’t part of my family history. So as I walk into this monstrous church edifice I am taken back by the size of the stained glass windows the thousands of pipes for the organ and the pulpit that seemed a hundred feet above the pews. My first memory of the pastor who was preaching, not my future father in-law, was someone that seemed too distant from my life or circumstances that surrounded me. I was confused when it came to the style of music, the rationale for the pastors wearing robes and the formalness of the service. As I listened to my first sermon it didn’t resonant with my heart or mind. Yet, this institutional church, which I at first judged severely, has become my home, why?

I had the opportunity to take a group from my neighborhood to work at First Presbyterian with their soup kitchen lunch to the homeless and their military food bank distribution. As I brought my teens and college students to this fortress of a church I started to remember what it was that brought me to see this church as a generational movement in spite of my original harsh judgment of robes and anthems in Latin or some other language.

I had asked one of my former youth group moms, that is now the secretary of the church, after working as a nurse at Pt. Loma University for a career, to help us arrange housing at the church and connect with the new Ladle Director. She was quick to tout who I was, yes I am the son in-law of the former long term pastor but also in my own right a youth pastor that helped birth a dynamic movement in the youth that continued the work of my predecessors who were passionate about urban multicultural youth work. This is in contrast to an elderly church that had gone from being a thriving military church in the 50’s with thousands coming to now a church of 700 that is primarily seniors with a very active middle age presence making a difference in the downtown. You have to understand that First Church was one of the few downtown churches to actually survive the suburb growth of the city while most of the other mainline churches died.

We arrived at First Church around 7:30pm after driving a six-hour journey from our Phoenix neighborhood. I had been given the secret code to help us break into this edifice of a building. All of a sudden memories came back to me from the 70’s and 80’s of doing youth work in this maze. I can remember all of the youth that are now 40 somethings getting lost purposely in the gigantic facility. My own daughter has memories that have shaped her life. Yet, being honest I was so critical of this church the first decade I was around it. Yes, it is part of a liberal denomination, yet the generational family that is First Pres is different in an exciting way.

As I wake up the following morning to get Starbucks, thanks to my app on my IPhone, I get my coffee and some milk and other supplies from a 7-11. As I walk to the old scout room I encounter a middle aged lady who we strike up a conversation and then realize that we are FB friends but really don’t know each other. All of a sudden the history part of First Church comes to life. She’s the wife of Bob Parrish whose mom, Madeline, was a close friend of my Anne as a youth. We end up hitting it off and talk about the legacy of First Church both the awesome side that brought this church to care for the community around it and also the numerous church rifts, which had impacted all of us.

As I push out the college students to help setup the military food bank I connect with my good friend Jean, who had been one of the youth group moms in the 80’s. It was so good to be around a few who had been very close friends with my mom and dad when they attend First Church for over 20 years. I was actually proud of what First Church was doing today in making a difference in their neighborhood. Yes, the controversy surrounding a ‘Gay Organist’ pushed me to seek ordination in a different Church Family but ultimately God used all of the church battles to shape all of us, myself included, to become better people that are more understanding of the bigger picture of life issues.

I asked my new friend, Lisa, to share briefly about First Church and her journey that brought her to this large downtown church. We concurred that it would have been easier to find a mega church in the burbs to attend that would have had more youth programs and a more contemporary worship style but First Church was now home and a mission field. As we began to work with the military families who live on next to nothing it was such a blessing to see the thousands of pounds of food that they would receive for free. I can’t fathom the amount of time that was required to organize this grocery store in the church dinning room.

As the weekend for our Leadership Trip to San Diego and First Pres literally flew by what stood out was the significant relationships I had with really old people. I will always remember the look of Mildred Marksbury when she saw us at First Church that Saturday and Sunday or Ellie Gross’ long discussion about her life journey with her Don getting Dementia and dying. She is the 80 year old who had just cooked the soup that feed 400 people. Then there was seeing my special youth mentor friend, Sandy, that was truly a homecoming. I don’t know whether many of my group picked up on the tears flowing from my cheeks during church but after my mom’s heavenly departure First Church has a very tender place for me. I come close to crying as I write this as I remember my mom and the legacy that she left that was so much part of First Church. She too worked there for over 8 years and it was such a blessing to connect with a few of her best friends as we walked out of church that Sunday.

Yes, I still struggle with churches that have become more institutional than family but see the Hand of God at First Church. I have to be completely honest and say that it was the First Church Family that gave me a portion of my urban passion for doing community work. I know that Ladle’s formation over 25 years ago was a stretch for this elderly church but they continued the work of being a real neighbor to those that live on the streets and those that live on fixed incomes. I’m still slow to see the benefit of wearing robes or having an organ with more pipes than church members but God has used this edifice of a building and an aging family to teach me the real meaning of Church. I want to thank First Pres’ families who have loved me when I was the longhaired odd ball that stuck out!

You're Fired?

2012-03-22T06:44:00.002-07:00

I know that one of the most difficult transitions in life is for a parent is to let their kid grow up and be an adult. I will have many memories of the battles in the house over our last child to leave. The reality is that someone in their 20’s is no longer a kid but yet because of our culture and inability to teach our kids how to be responsible, hard working and conscientious we have created a generation of co-dependent adults that truly expect mom or dad to give them everything on a silver platter.

We live by choice in an under resourced neighborhood. I drive by young adults daily who just hang out. They dropped out of high school because it didn’t work, they were expelled for fighting, bombed out or decided it was more fun to stay up all night and sleep till 2pm everyday. I have many grandmas who struggle with raising their grandkids and great grandkids because their adult kids are incapable of being a parent or just too lazy. My goal isn’t to create a dependence scenario where adults can find an easy hand out and continue in their purposeless existence but grow up and step up!

So I know that as I worked with Habitat for Humanity in the East Valley for 8 years that our goal, which is pie in the sky, would be to actually eliminate substandard housing. Much as I am dialoguing with one of my young adults, no longer a teen, about world hunger it would be great to say that it’s resolved and no one goes to bed at night hungry! Yet, the reality is that the food banks in Phoenix will have an ongoing crisis with the lack of food to distribute and the growing need of families living on less income as prices for food and gas increase.

I know that as a parent I don’t want to be fired from my life time vocation but want to transition from one of being a care taker, helper, assister and then friend sooner than later. Much as I have walked with my dad over the last 3 years with his transition from being independent to now being very dependent. One of the oddest things in my life happened yesterday. Usually in the past when I would visit my dad he would have this look on his face like you can’t leave me or please take me with you or help me escape. I walked into his new group home and he was sandwiched between two grandmas with the most amazing look on his face. He waved at me and said what are you doing here?

I ventured into my dad’s room to see how it looked? I watched the workmen in his bathroom continue to create a shower from the ground floor up. I talked with the owner of the group home and her special contractor friend. I walked back into the living area of the house to see my dad sitting at the large dinning room table eating his lunch. He looked as happy as a little kid getting his favorite snack or toy. As I walked away I sensed this sadness on my part. He really doesn’t need me in the same way because the group home has created a family environment. I was emotionally relieved. I had spent the last 3 months struggling for my dad after a stroke and two stays in the hospital. I was at the end of my emotional rope.

My real point of this story is in response to my man – Nate who wrote for me a paragraph about his present passion – world hunger. I am working with him to help him improve on his writing skills so he can get his GED. He is actually a great thinker but not as gifted in actually expressing himself with the pen. He says a few important things about world hunger and more so blasts people who just talk about statistics but don’t do anything. So I encouraged him to consider the why questions and then come up with some how to’s and asked him to do something local that would help stop his neighbors from going hungry and not create a dependency or a handout senario.

So the goal of doing community work is to see the neighborhood turn and become self-sustaining so as some guy that makes loads of cash off of saying, “You’re Fired”, I too can have this sense of not being needed in the same context. Unfortunately, I won't have cash off of seeing this grow but a better sense of accomplished that as Mastercard would say is priceless!